Buzzings By M3SH...

Results 2.2

2011-03-11T18:49:00.000-08:00

Wee! Finally i'm done with my a-levels like for real. Got my final results and i got straight A's. =)) Not so awesome though, since there were many with straight a*'s. But i'm still happy with my results. So yea,Thank you everyone. XD

Familiar

2011-02-02T01:42:00.000-08:00

Something i found from the internet. Sounds very familiar to me. don't know why.

You wanted to know the worst about me, the things I told no one and hid below the surface. How do I explain it? How do I explain who I am when I am not even sure of it myself? How do I put into words the worst parts of me that I have run from for so long? I will tell you my secrets, I will tell you everything. Maybe it will help me. Maybe you will hate me for it or maybe you will understand. I don't know, but I am sick of running. So here it is, I will give you what you want.

I hate you. That is not true, but sometimes I think it is. I will not answer the phone when you call, even though I want to talk to you. I will not call you, even though it is all I want to do. I will not reach out to you, even though every part of me wants to. I will be mad at you, I will want to hurt you, I will drive you away because I am afraid to let you closer. I need your constant attention, your reassurances, but I will greet them with cold indifference. I will be jealous of the attention you give others, and I will get mad at you for ignoring me. I will feel close to you and care for you one day, only to be mad and want you out of my life the next.

I am an emotional amnesiac, maybe I always have been. I take each event, each day, each conversation as a seperate event, always looking for signs that you might hurt me. When I feel neglected, I will get mad and forget that the day before you told me how much you cared. I am an inconsistent mess. There is a part of me who is happy and confident and another part that is insecure and needy. These days, I never know which one it will be. Every time I think I am in control, that I know you care and I feel comfortable with our relationship, the fear and doubt will come back. Maybe with time it will go away completely, but doubt it. All it will take is another close relationship, another new friend, another day and it will be back.

You ask what you can do and I do not know what to say. The needy part of me wants your constant attention, it needs your words and thoughts, yourpresence. But I know that is not the answer, I must accept the limitations on our relationship. The scared part of me wants you out of my life because it would be easier. The hateful part of me wants to hurt you because it thinks you have hurt me. All I can ask you to do is to understand, to not give up. I will ignore you at times, I may be rude to you, I may try to hurt you. I may hide from you and wait for you to reach out to me, so I know you will care. It is not fair to do these things, but I will. I cannot ask you to put up with this, it is not fair and no matter how I act, I care too much to put you through this. But you asked, and this is all I have to tell you.

I do not like this. I do not like that I am needy and clinging. I do not like that I hurt people. I do not like that I am rude and sarcastic to those around me. I do not like this part of myself. For years, I have ignored this and pretended it was me, but I have realized that is wrong. This is not me, it is a false identity created to protect me from the world. This was not an easy realization, and perhaps I haven't fully accepted it yet. But I have found my path, I have realized I can change and I can accept this side of me and keep it from becoming who I am. It will not be easy and it will not be quick, but I have faith that I can do it. Perhaps one day I will see me as the person you see behind my defenses, and perhaps one day I will let others see that person as well.

This is for you, but you are many people. You are the people close to me now. You are the people I want to be close to even though I have kept you away. You are the friends I have pushed away in the past, the friends I never forgave and never let back in my life, the friends I never had the chance to tell this to. You are the people I will meet in the future, the people I will care about until once again I push them out of my life. You are the part of me that is still trying to understand who I am. You are all of these people and many more.

source: http://everything2.com/title/I+hate+you.+Please+don%2527t+leave+me.

Oh btw, i'm done with my alevel in UCSI University. =)

Nothing wrong in homosexuality

2010-12-30T23:55:00.000-08:00

People always say gays are against the nature. Have you ever thought that human beings travelling on air, are AGAINST the nature too? Humans are supposed to walk. Then why are we using cars and worser airplanes to travel? Isn't it against the nature? What about breast implants? What about antibiotics? What about cloning? The point is there are many things that we do in the name of "modernization" which is against the nature. But, we don't condemn it because EVERYONE is doing it.

Human being decides what they think is natural

Who told that homosexuality is wrong and against the nature? The same person who told that that the world is the centre of universe? Remember the Galileo Galilei story? It's us who decide what is wrong and what is right. When everyone started doing and accepting the "wrong" thing, it becomes right. We just follow the majority then we decide what is wrong and what is right.

To all the homophobic jerks out there, do you seriously think Gay people CHOOSE to be this way? Do you think they like to be scared of their life, pretending to be happy, hiding their crush to others on fear? Do you think that they chose this life which is full of discrimination and hatred by community? It's not their choice. Many of gays have realized that they are like that since young.

Have you "tried" with girls?

The thing is IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS whether they are gay or straight. You may ask them how do they know they are gay when they never "tried" things with girls. Let me ask you, how do you know you are straight without trying "things" with guys? Sounds ridiculous right? Let me ask you again, did you choose to be straight? No? Then why the hell on earth you believe that gay people CHOOSE to be gay?

Gay people have choices, yes they do. You know whats the choice they have? To hide the real them, and wear a mask to be accepted by the community. Why when there is a handsome celebrity who admitted he is gay, people can accept it, but when someone in our country do the same thing, we can't accept it? Do you know how much pain they go through in their life especially in their teenage life when they have crush on someone but have to suppress their feelings in fear of rejection by everyone?

It's not easy being gay

It's not easy being gay. "So, don't be gay". As i said, it's not a choice. It was never a choice and now when people are finally coming out and being brave for who they are, why giving them death threats?

Being gay or straight is our wish. Whatever we do in the PRIVACY OF OUR BEDROOM is OUR WISH. In Malaysia, straight people hugging and kissing in public is also considered disgusting. So, tell the gay peoples not to do the same. I CAN BE SURE, 99% of gay people never did any public stunt. Then, what's the big deal of people loving each other regardless of gender when they are alone?

They are the same person

Coming out of closet for most gay people is not something they do for fun. It's a relieving thing for them. Battling with themselves for many years and finally they believe what they choose is right, and they come out. And then people reject them. If you're really a good friend you would know that the gay person is THE SAME PERSON YOU KNEW FOR SUCH A LONG TIME except that now you know about his/her sexuality.

Eww, gay guys can never be friends with straight guys

Just because they are gay, DOESN'T mean they will get attracted to every single guy they see. The same way straight people does not get attracted to every single girl they see. Right? unless if you're pervert. And if any gay confessed to you about their feelings and you're straight, just refuse them politely as they would have thought about it for months and finally asked you. it's scary for them more than it is for you.

Gays are disgusting because of their sexual acts.

Do you think only gays have anal sex? Straight couples also engage in anal sex. And some of gay couples DON'T EVEN HAVE ANAL SEX. Even if they do, they are penetrating their partner's ass. NOT YOURS. so, what's the big deal? If they are raping you, then you can go around and make a big issue out of it. But when two gay people are showing their love to each other in THEIR BEDROOM, then what's the big issue?

So, don't be homophobic. No one is asking you to accept them. But just treat them like a normal being. You don't have to care about their interest. It's their wish, it's their way. They have to go through another long process of telling the truth to their family. It's another huge challenge. So, as a friend you could at least lift off the small burden of coming out to you guys. If you really know the person for such a long time, you would know and you would understand it was never his/ her choice.

So, i'm calling all the Malaysians to join in the group hug of love, acceptance, and confession.

This post is as a response to the death threats received by Azwan Ismail for coming out in youtube. The officials told the anti gay associations to be more active in mentally killing the gay community but none of them spoke against the death threats thrown at him. We hold protests if a rapist or whatever get killed in the prison, but we support death threats thrown at a gay man. How ridiculous.

Visit them

http://www.seksualitimerdeka.org/

http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/comingoutadvice/a/Causes.htm

and please watch this educational video.

Smile

2010-12-13T10:21:00.000-08:00

Finished!

2010-12-11T05:21:00.000-08:00

Haha. Try pronouncing my title as "phinished" like my baby niece will say. LOL. Btw, i phinished my alevels. So, now just waiting for my january exam! must study very hard for one month!!!! And i will be home for one month, without any worries and disappointments and loneliness. =) That's all i guess.

Not me

2010-10-31T03:00:00.000-07:00

I didn't abandon this blog. It's just that, i think my feelings right now, and my everyday story at this moment is not supposed to be made public. even if it did, it's going to make more damage than any good. so, i'm just refraining myself from posting anything. sometimes i post something very long, just to delete it in a matter of time. so yea. Happy Diwali.

So Long, good bye.

2010-10-12T05:21:00.000-07:00

Almost a month didn't blog. Well nothing much to say actually. Many things happened. A lot of things happened, which i have written in my personal blog.
it's just that i don't have to put up with being taken for granted when i give lots of care. Why should i care when no one else does? I have my own dignity. When i show lots of care, i expect the same from others. thats common sense.

Other than that, life's good. normal.

Later,
Mesh

=(

2010-09-19T01:41:00.000-07:00

I'm sad and have no idea how to express it. It's all my fault is it? .I'm not bad. it's not even my choice. i will miss the memories. Sorry for coming into your life, and ruining it. I know i always make you sad. I know how much i make you sad and frustrated. I didn't mean to. But yea. the memories will stay with me forever. and i will miss you. i will miss you till i don't know when. sorry for not being the one you thought i am. Sorry for making you regret your actions.

p.s: don't comment anyone.

Results 2.1

2010-08-18T19:49:00.000-07:00

Something unexpected.
All A , except for Chemistry 4, which i got a terrible C.
But, i accept it, and am not very down about that. After all, i thank god for giving me nice results for other subjects.

So, plan from next week. Go library! I was very lazy for the past few months, now it's time to make things right.

I'm going to retake Chem 4, and i will make sure it's an A this time.

In UCSI website, it's stated that they will take marks from unit 1-4. And the min requirement is 75%. If it's average of 1-4, then i'm fine. If it's each must get 75%, omg. I'm dead. If i can't get into med school, omg i'm super dead. HOW???

=(

Happy Birthday, Ramesh

2010-08-18T08:24:00.000-07:00

Well, this birthday post is so much different from last year's. Last year, I was in a very new world, happy to have new things and moving on to the next stage of my life. Throughout last year, i have been down almost all the time. yes, i have been hurt again and again. A very nice thing happened to me im second half of 2009. I found someone i truly care. I was happy and was showered with all kinds of happiness that i never got from anyone else. Not lover, just someone i regard as family. So, i began to care. I began to care and care and waited to get hurt. I lost everything because of my temper. But even now i can tell myself, it's not entirely my fault. It's not. I know myself. And at last, my happiness came and just got pulled away. The pain when it was being pulled, is not bearable. sometimes, i wish everything will just go back to normal. I wish everyday, but nothing changed. I just want to be happy again. I'm not emoing. Try being me, you know how much it hurts. Fine, everyone has their own problem. and everyone has their own way of dealing with it right? Yes, and my way of dealing with my pain is thinking about it over and over again and yea, whatever it takes.

I really wanna go back to my high school. apart from one evil teacher, everything else was perfect there. I got a nice bunch of close friends. I knew the entire form 5. Most of the teachers knew me. I was head of so many things. I was always busy with something, and i never cared for anyone. You only get hurt when you care. Trust me.

I expect a lot. But i expect because it happened before, either to me or others. so, i know it's possible. so why when i asked, things are not given?

I turned 19, and for the past one year, i have learnt so many things. I have made myself stronger , God have made myself stronger by giving me so many tests that sucked my energy and faith. And here i am, saying no matter what He put me through, i survived.

Happy Birthday, Ramesh. You will shine in future.

p.s: To my ucsi friends, thanks for the wrist watch. much appreciated. XD

Regret

2010-08-07T23:22:00.001-07:00

I have no idea what to blog about. But, just wanna say that i'm regretting something that i have done in the past. These things cost me a lot. Regret it. Just give me a second chance..

White coat obsession?

2010-07-24T08:14:00.000-07:00

by white coat, i mean medical doctor.

I admit, i am also one of the spm graduates who wanted to do medicine like crazy. I cannot think of anything else, other than medicine. But, when i say i want to be a doctor, it's reasonable. When my fellow school friends said they want to be medical doctor, it was reasonable. Because all of them had academic excellence with them.

What makes me feel annoyed, is when a student who just scored credits in spm, wants to do medical degree. What's more annoying is, they don't even know anything about being a medical doctor. They have no idea how to become a doctor, where to study, after graduation what they will do and etc. They just want to be a doctor, because they WANT to be a doctor. They WANT to be a doctor, because it seems to be very attractive. The only thing they know about the profession is, doctors treat people. I'm not crushing anyone's dream or asking people to stop dreaming. We're not in 1980, where credits are super great. Nowadays, it's considered to be below average.

It's not wrong to dream. But the problem is, when you dream of something, you would have worked hard. If you really wanted to be a doctor, you would have worked hard for it and scored well in your spm. When you didn't even achieve the minimum requirements of pre-medic, is it reasonable to continue your dream?

Based on true story
Some students wanted to become doctors because of the white coat. A fresh spm graduate with 3 credits and few D's was very stubborn to do medicine. When some of his/her relatives mentioned about other courses such as medical imaging, he refused at first. When they mentioned that people studied for medical imaging will also wear white coat , he agreed to take it into consideration. Ridiculous, isn't it? I think, to be a doctor the passion and interest must come from your deep heart, not by just seeing the uniform.

Irresponsible colleges.
I was shocked when i saw an advertisement on newspaper claiming to give medical seats even for students from art stream. I mean, do they have biology and chemistry knowledge that is sufficient enough for them to do pre-medic? Are the colleges trying to bring down the name of medical doctors? First of all, the higher education ministry should make a new rule where only institutions that have reached the "university" status will be able to offer critical courses such as medical degree, dentistry and etc. This will help to reduce the number of colleges offering medical degree. Now, there are so many private institutions offering medical degrees. And as i mentioned above , there are also some colleges who offers it to art stream students.

So, at the end. Everyone with sufficient financial support is going to be medical students. This may sound impossible, but it can happen if this goes on. Interviews before entering medical school were introduced, but it's not efficient. Because, the interview will be conducted by the university officials, and won't they give priority to their university income?

So, spm graduates out there, before thinking about entering medical field, please at least read about it. Get to know about the minimum requirements and if you don't meet the min requirement, you have to give up the dream. You can still work in the medical field. There are still more opportunities. Doctors are not the only one in hospital. There are nurses, pathology lab workers, radio imaging assistants, and much more.
And to secondary school students who is dreaming of becoming a doctor, do work hard to achieve it. Just by dreaming, nothing will happen. No point crying after not being able to achieve what you wanted.
And to the irresponsible colleges, please stop your degree programs which allows art stream students and students with insufficient marks to enter. You are just spoiling the quality of future medical doctors.

p.s : Adibah Amin, a malay writer is planning to write a book on racism. I'm so gonna buy it once it's out

Bye.

Twilight Horror

2010-07-15T01:48:00.000-07:00

I found this miraculously true article on how twilight sucks at here thanks to my housemate who posted it on facebook.

Some of the lines that caught my attention

1. So what about men that like Twilight?
If you're male and you like Twilight, you're gay. I don't mean that in the derogatory sense, I mean it in the "you want to put your testicles against another man's testicles while gripping handfuls of chesthair" kind of way.

2. Imagine everything women want in a man, then exaggerate it by ten thousand - and you've got Edward Cullen.

3. At one point while reading I started counting the number of times the author used the expression "Edward's perfect face," and it was far into the double digits. The author excruciatingly details his muscular pecs, clothing, hair, eye color - even his goddamn breath (I'm not joking).

And the video.

Winter Sonata

2010-06-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

When i was about 11 or 12 years old, i was a big fan of Korean dramas. I and my eldest sister will be watching it all the time and the first Korean drama that i watched was Winter Sonata. The song was damn nice and seriously, i never missed an episode. Until the very end i watched it and even when 8tv repeated it after few years, i watched it. :) So, once near Metro Kajang, they were selling plants. I don't know what's the name of the plant but it was very nice, just like Christmas trees. But a smaller version. Maybe it was a Christmas tree. lol. So, i begged my mum to buy it for me, and named it winter sonata. hahaha. It was just rm 12. I remember the price very well, don't know why.

I took great care of it until i entered secondary school when i had no time for this "winter sonata" and my other cactus plants. So, eventually it died, and some of my cactus too. I had one moon cactus , monster cactus, and others was normal small cacti. So, the moon cactus and other small cacti died and the monster cactus, as the name suggests survived. This specific cactus actually survived with raindrops only.few raindrops in fact. So, yea i still have this monster cactus growing in my plastic pot. :)

So, btw the song that melt my heart even today

Choked To Death

2010-06-26T22:36:00.001-07:00

Yesterday night i dreamt about choking an Indian movie actress. I was actually in a movie and the women was the antagonist. She was trying to poison the hero, and i chased her and choked her to death. And after a while i realized i'm going to be caught by police and i can't go to prison and i was struggling in my dreams and crying that i shouldn't have killed someone. I was telling myself, this is not the movie, this i real life and i shouldn't have killed her. And i was telling myself police is going to find me and eventually i'm going to get caught. I was so afraid that i woke up from my dreams and it took me a while to realize it's just a dream. When i woke up it was 9 am, and i couldn't go back to sleep after that because dreaming about you choking someone is seriously terrifying. But when i was choking the women, i really felt satisfied. I really was happy and thinking that if i killed her then i might get rewarded. haha.

The moment i woke up i switched on my computer and googled for dream dictionary.

To dream that you are choking someone, signifies feelings of aggression. You may also be trying to prevent something from being said or revealed..- http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/c2.htm

Hospital Attachment Day 5

2010-06-25T02:03:00.000-07:00

Today was super nice

9.30am
Was just entering my pediatrician's clinic when she said she got an emergency caesarean to attend.So she asked me to follow her. Then i changed into the scrub suit and because my pediatrician is a women, she went to another room and changed. The problem was she asked me to come to the operation theater on my own. So, i had no idea where am i, and was wandering around. Thank god i saw my mum's friend and she showed me the room and on the way i saw Dr Meena, my pediatrician. Then, ya i saw the caesarean being done on a woman with hepatitis B. So, we had to wear another layer of clothes and also cover for our shoes. Then, after the baby was out, Dr Meena took care of the baby. She said the baby had meconium in her amniotic fluid. so, they had to do the emergency delivery. And she explained why it happened and all. You can read the thing from the link above

10.30
Went back to her clinic and we talked a lot about why medicine and all. She said house officers nowadays are very fragile. She said that she used to do calls every night for a year, but now when a house officer do calls more than 36 hours, they grumble. She also said that getting scolded by a supervisor is good because then the supervisor will feel bad and teach us more. She also said that if we get to do our housemanship in Gh KL, don't be scared because that's where you going to learn a lot and etc and etc. The thing i liked about her was that she was very friendly to me, and everyone. The way she talked to her patients really inspired me.

1pm
As usual went back. Actually after meeting her i wanted to stay quite long. But then i told my mum to fetch me up at 1, so just went back. lol

SO! at last i'm done with my long tiring attachment. I think the attachment will be more nicer if we are medical students so then they can teach us. But this is more into exposure rather than attachment.

Btw, thank you to my hospital for giving me such a nice experience.

Hospital Attachment Day 4

2010-06-24T07:41:00.000-07:00

Not much today

9.30-10.30am
Waited for my orthopedic surgeon to come.

10.30-12.40pm
Went into his room and observed some consultations. Only got 5 patients, so i remember the cases
The first case was about torn anterior cruciate ligament (ACL). So the doctor explained how he did the surgery and the post-op. Then the next patient was slipped disc or spinal disc herniation. He explained that when the disc slips, it presses on the spinal cord and the nerves below it will start to decay. So the patient will experience wide range of symptoms like numbness, pain or sometimes even like burning. So, the have to do the surgery using laser to burn some of the disc so that it will shrink and go back to it's original position. But complications do occur such as sometimes the disc will shrink on the other end, and bulge more on the bulging side causing more pains. The other three cases were almost the same.

1pm
Went back home

Ya, today is boring. Tomorrow i'm with a pediatrician. Hopefully it's not or i will go back at 1pm too. :)

Hospital Attachment Day 3

2010-06-23T04:58:00.000-07:00

9.30 am
Went to Dr Anjali's room and she sent me to laboratory. So there, i saw some urine test, some blood test and blood withdrawal. I just came to know that when the needle is injected, the blood flows through it automatically. I was thinking that the nurse has to pull the syringe and thats what made me scared of going for blood test. lol

1030 am-1230 pm
Went back to my doctor's room and watched some consultation. Then she asked me to attend a talk on Vaccination and acute respiratory diseases. As the talk was at 1pm, i had my lunch at 1230pm and went to the talk.

1pm-2pm
The talk. I was the only A levels student present. :p Others were all doctors and nurses. But i kind of understand when the speaker talked about vaccination and immunity. The non specific immunities are called innate immunity. and she also mentioned about herd effect and vaccination that should be given to babies at what age and what will happen after the injection and all. I also got a goody bag with 3 books filled with journals and notes on vaccination and viruses. I also got pens. haha

2pm-4.30pm
Went back to my doctor's office and saw patient consultation. After that she sent me to radiology department where i saw MRI being done. Then the radiologist and i chatted about medicine and he told that he wanted to do engineering at first but he found maths to be too hard for him so he took medicine. He told that the first year of medicine will be very tough because we have to remember a.k.a memorize all the terms. But when we are familiar with the terms, second year and consecutive years will be easy. Then he asked me how was my results for second sem. I said "it was fine, not the highest in the class and all but just nice". He said " to be a doctor, you don't have to be very smart and score all highest marks, you just have to be hardworking. If you are very intelligent, you better be a researcher, not a doctor"

430pm- 6pm
Went for ward rounds. A dengue patient was crying because her platelet dropped again. But my doctor told her that it's not a big problem because she has no fever and no bleeding. But she still cried. pity her, maybe she has went through a lot. :(

6pm
Went back home

Tomorrow i will be doing rounds with an orthopedic surgeon. Hopefully everything will go well and then Friday with a paediatrician.

Today my doctor gave me a gadget. lol, I don't know it's exact name or maybe it doesn't have any name. It's basically a paper clip and paper holder with rectangular base and pills like top. She got it from some drug company. The drugs companies give doctors a lot of freebies to make sure the doctors order the medicine from them again. :)

That's all. Bye

Hospital Attachment Day 2

2010-06-22T03:51:00.000-07:00

Today was awesome. I actually did some part of a procedure.
Details!
Today i am under Dr. S Kumar, a general surgeon

8.30am
Went into endoscopy room to watch a colonoscopy and gastrointestinal endoscopy (GI endoscopy). Basically the colonoscopy is for large intestine and caecum while the GI endoscopy is for stomach and duodenum. I met a care assistant that knows my mum. So she was like "you are her son? good good" haha. Then i saw the both procedure being done. The doctor was very funny and rude but not in a negative way. Rude in a very funny way. XD Then after seeing that image, the patient was found to have ulcer on her duodenum. It might be due to her diet because she is trying to lose weight. So guys, don't go on extreme dieting.

10am - Went back to Dr Anjali's (my original doctor) room. And saw some dengue patients. And also a patient from yesterday was confirmed to have H1N1 after tested with throat swab. Then, i watched a stress test being done on a man who was admitted yesterday. Yesterday when i followed Dr Anjali for ward rounds, he was admitted there and complaint of chest pain and he fell down.
When i went back to the room after stress test, Dr Kumar called my doctor's office to ask me to come endoscopic room again at 2pm

12-2
Had my lunch

2pm
Went to endoscopy room . But after the doctor came he found out that the patient's colon wasn't fully clean as she just had defecated for two times. He explained that she must at least defecate 5 times. So, i was sent to Dr Anjali's room again. Dr Anjali sent me to Dr Bala ,a gynecologist . He was the one who delivered me. :D And my mum was his nurse too i guess because he knows my mum well. Or maybe because my mum worked in same clinic as him, so he knows maybe. So btw, he is one of the most popular gynecologist in Kajang and he is the director of the hospital. And then he showed me two ultrasounds. He showed me the the baby's eye and spine and legs and fingers and head and testis. :p

around 4pm

Called to endoscopy room again to watch the previous patient's endoscopy. She is having colonoscopy done because she complaint of stomach pains. Then when he was doing it he asked me to wear surgical apron and gloves. Guess what. I accidentally tore off a glove because it was tight. lol. Then while doing it he asked me to hold the scope. Just imagine while the scope is still inside her body. Then he just let it go. It came out then he said "i said hold still". I was like..ohh ok. :p Then i holded it and moved it around with him. Then he found out that her large intestine has some problems and hemorrhoids. He also thought me how to find vessels to inject anesthetic if it's very hard to find. He said that some vessels are bent so must inject a bit and follow the way blood flows. :)

Around 430pm
Went back to Dr Anjali's room. She wasn't there as she went for her ward rounds. So her nurse sent me to 4th floor to meet her. Then, i went rounds with her and saw some patients.

530pm
My doctor had a meeting, so she had to go. So i went back home :D

My doctor and her nurse are very very friendly with me. Her nurse will smile so widely at me every time she sees me until sometimes i will wonder whether there is something on my face. :p

Some drug sellers (legal one :p) came to my doctor's room and was selling drugs. So she got some free pens and my doctor gave me some. (To keep too :P) She is a very nice lady. I'm glad she is a family friend of my aunt if not i think i will be rotting in some clinic. :)

So, tomorrow i will be going to radiology department and laboratory. Yea.. So, more stories tomorrow.

And yes, i reduced my attachment from 2 weeks to 1 week. yippee! sorry Jef! :)

That's all bye

p.s :Welcome to my blog kc! :D

Hospital Attachment Day 1

2010-06-21T04:20:00.000-07:00

Tiring!!

9am :
Went to the office and waited for my doctor, Dr Anjali .

10am -
Entered her room and saw the patient-doctor consultation. As she is a physician and also a gastroenterologist, many patients that visit her are mostly dengue fever patients, and people with bloated stomach and etc. Oh yea, i also saw a Bell's Palsy patient. The doctor explained to me what and how it happens.

About 12, there were no new patients , so i read my new novel "The Last Song" and my doctor was doing crossword puzzle. :D

1pm-2pm
Had my lunch. Chicken rice sold at the cafeteria of KPJ Kajang Specialist. It was ok. :(

2pm
Went back to my doctor's room. And saw more patients.

Around 3 pm until 4pm
Followed my doctor for ward rounds. Saw some dengue fever patients and patients with stomach problems.

Around 4pm-5pm
Went back to room and saw more patients. Saw a patient with muscular pains at her chest area. Dr Anjali explained that it was due to some injuries at her rib's muscle. And etc

Around 5-6.30
Went for more ward rounds are visited ICU. Then back

The most interesting part is i saw the doctor that delivered me. :)
He knows my mum too as my mum was a nurse, so then when i introduced myself he recognized me. XD
And Dr Anjali was very nice and she actually talked to other doctors for me so that i can do attachment with them too. :) She is very nice and gave me a notepad which i will sure keep until i becomes a doctor, perhaps.. You see i have this sentiment where anything a doctor gives me i will keep. I think it as a blessings. lol. Like last time, Dr Socka, who was my mum's boss gave me a suit to wear to my JPA interview. And he asked me to keep it. :) lol.

So tomorrow, i will be doing attachment with Dr Kumar who is a general surgeon. Hopefully can watch some surgeries. But for sure i gonna watch some endoscopies. :D
And i will be doing attachment with the doctor who delivered me too on Friday, :)

That's all for now. Bye!

p.s: This post is kinda boring, isn't it? It's ok. i don't care. XD

What should i say

2010-06-05T23:55:00.001-07:00

There is so much story to write down here.

I was cheated by an indian guy in KTM station. Two weeks before i went to Kajang station as my parent decided to pick me up there. Then there is one guy who was inside the platform asked me for money. He said he lost his wallet and he needed rm 8 to buy tickets. I was like"RM8???" But, i told him "i can't give Rm 8, but let's see how" Then i gave him rm 3. Then after i went out, then only i realised, if he havent bought the ticket how come he can be in the platform? My goodness. This is not the first time this is happening to me. This is the forth time.

First was 2 years back. A girl came and asked me money to buy tickets to go somewhere. She told she lost her wallet. But that time i was with my friends, so they asked me to ignore and we just walked away.

Second time it was in KTM station too. This time i was with Liz, my classmate in UCSI. We used to go back together. So a girl came, she was really panicking. She told me that someone stole her hp and wallet and she doesn't have anything and she need rm 5/rm 10 (don't remember) to take ktm to sentral and lrt and all. She was talking very fast and she even told me where she is studying all. Quite convincing and then she was really sweating all. So i pitied her and gave her what she asked. Maybe she was not really cheating me or maybe she was.

Third time was in Midvalley. One aunty came to me and told that she lost her hp and wallet and need to call her sister. She asked for my handphone. But i was scared she will run away with my handphone so i gave her few cents to call her sister using public phone. Haha.. This is not cheat case either i think.

Maybe it's written on my face that i can be easily fooled. Haha. But i told myself, if next time anyone comes to me asking for money to buy tickets, i'm going to the counter and buying the tickets for them. Not going to give cash to anyone.

Ok btw, that's all . Such a long post after a long break from blogging.

Having exam this wednesday, so wish me luck! :)

Zzzzz

2010-05-11T19:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday after dinner i planned to sleep at 9pm and wake up at 2 to study. Because that time it will be quiet and peaceful

At 2 i haven't sleep yet so decided to sleep until 3.30 and then wake up and study.

At 4 i woke up, and thought i will start study at 5.

At 5 i turned off my alarm and slept until 8.

At 8am i decided, ok study now, but slept until 1030am

Now, i'm blogging while crying over my pimples filled face

Nice!

Changes

2010-05-11T04:42:00.001-07:00

Attitude changes when a person is at different places. That hurts. Hurts more when you don't know the reason why. Mental illness i guess..

Nightclub City

2010-05-05T07:08:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! This is the game on facebook that i'm currently addicted. After cafe world, and my town and hotel city, it's now NIGHTCLUB CITY. Which is so cool. haha. they always play songs so it's kinda entertaining. Not the childish stupid music like on Cafe world or Hotel City but a real pop mix and hip hop remix songs. But the prob is they keep on repeating the same song. I realised that i'm using a lot of "buts" so i wanna use meskipun. So, meskipun they repeat the same song, it's still entertaining. lol

Btw, i found a hospital to do my job attachment during my holiday. Huhu. Thanks to my mom who knew some people from KPJ Kajang Specialist, i'm going to work with Dr. Anjali , a physician and Gastroenterologist. But no allowance given and cannot observe surgery. :( Just observe patient consultation session and ward rounds. Bolehlaa tue. haha. Ok, got to go to do some revision. Just going to start studying today for my exam which is in 6 days. Hehe. Later ppl! Hey2 wait. Did you watched Air New Zealand safety ad? Hehe. It's interesting, seriously watch it.

....

2010-05-03T04:42:00.000-07:00

bored

need to study

have exams in a week

huhu. bye

Scared of losing

2010-04-17T11:36:00.000-07:00

Exam is nearer than i was thinking it is. It’s less than a month.. My chemistry is so blank, and my maths C2, is seriously out of my brain( it didn't even enter in the first place). haha. If my secondary school maths or admaths teacher read this, she will seriously wonder what has gone into me.. Coz i used to love maths last time, not love but i score in it. Always score in it, and for modern maths, i just do practice a day before exam and score highest in class. For admaths, oh god, i never get anything below 90. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED NOW? I’m not bragging please, because i’m using past tense. So, i’m telling how much i suck in maths nowadays. So, if you think i’m bragging, please , pleaseee go and suicide before i murder you. yes, my blog is turning violent. =D

So that’s why really tired and pressured by myself to score. I just want to maintain my marks from my AS , perhaps even better. I really have to score. I’m not talking about highest in class all, coz that’s too much. Just a A in everything, i will thank god and buy myself an ice cream. lol. Really hoping for it. I really don’t wanna be the lowest among my friends , coz i really hate it when that happens. I don’t know who i’m trying to prove i’m smart to. I don't think i'm trying to prove to anyone. Maybe i just don’t want people to think i’m weak and not so smart. I hate it when people think i’m weak and sick and wtf… I’m not, and i need to prove it. I can’t go around punching people to prove it coz i’m not barbarian [and not THAT muscular :) ], so this is the only way to prove it. lol.

Yea, itu sajala kali ini. I’m not a nerd please, education is my only property that God cannot mess up with. But seriously, i’m thanking God coz every problems that i faced especially my health is getting better day by day. It was never as good as this before in fact. There is a bible verse

No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

I’m not Christian, so i don't know whether it's the real verse or translation of the verse..And just because i quote bible verse it doesn't mean i'm not faithful to my god.

It's good so i took it, and I’m sure Hinduism have something similar to this written somewhere too, just not so popular perhaps. And yea, based on my not so big experience, that verse is true.. At the end of the day, whatever that’s happening , is happening for our own benefit in future. (Now, this is from Bhagavad Gita.. :p)

Alright, wanted to blog for 10 min, but ended up writing for 30 mins. haha.. Got to go and finish my C2 past year questions. Wish me luck and good luck to my course mates! huhu.. :)

p.s : I want to read my sister’s keeper coz the story is very interesting but no time.. :( Must finish it after my exam.

Quote

2010-04-13T08:41:00.000-07:00

I'll stand up and say the best part about me is never giving up

Hmm, yea, it was written by one of my classmate in UCSI. Have no idea why it really touched me somewhere deeeep inside. It's very meaningful to me, as now i'm going through what i think the toughest phase of my life, which in future i will turn back and say to God "you tested me so harshly, giving me so much pain physically and mentally, and yea now i know you are proud of me. " Hopefully i can.. I will. :)

All fine

2010-04-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

Nothing to blog actually. All is fine this week. Seriously, i think my brain cells have mutated themselves to ignore most of the thing and not be too emotional about things. That's good actually coz i not irritating anyone and just being sad alone which can be cured in few minutes by my besties. It's not that i not emo anymore, it's just that i have learnt to fake things. It's good actually. Helps a lot to socialize with others.

The funny thing is the person that makes you sad is the same person that make you laugh so hard. So, when sad is the word of the day, i just think about all happy things, and with one sweet sms, i cair. I forget about everything happened , i cair and say "i'm fine.. don't worry about me".. Coz i don't wanna see you sad as much as you want me to smile!

huhu.. Happy..

Thinking a lot about my childhood. I remember i always ask my mum to buy me colonel burger from KFC when she comes home from work. I always ask for two. And once i asked the digimon virtual pet. Last time it was rm 100.. She bought it for me. And yea, a very emotional moment for me was when i was in standard two. My class teacher was doing some illegal business by selling some music cd. A very childish rhymes and i have no idea why i wanted to buy that shit. lol. Then, it was the last day of payment, and i just remembered about it in car. My mum didnt bring any cash except to buy some santan i guess, but then of course as a child i don't understand that and i was crying like hell begging her for money. At last she gave me the money she kept to buy her things and told me to tell my teacher that i will pay the remainder the next day. Yea, i was mummy's boy and I'M PROUD OF THAT.

There are actually a lot of things that's emotional for me with my mom. She never gives up on me. But because of hormones, i'm just rude to her sometimes. But i miss her alot but i just cant tell that to her. Coz if i did, she will know i'm in some kind of worries and she would get worried and then she will keep on asking me how am i each day. Just that she treats me like a child, and how i wish i was just a child. Seriously, my life was so fucking better 10 years back. I dont need facebook, i don't need handphone, i don't need friends, i don't need anyone. I have my mom and i have my world.. haizz

I know we can't go back to past even if we wish like hell . Just when i remember those memories, i just tear. Coz it was very wonderful, and it will never return. Coz things changed, i have changed..

.....

2010-03-31T00:42:00.000-07:00

Can't even be honest in writing my feelings. Isn't it cruel? Don't even have the convenience to write what i want about my own feelings in my own blog. Don't get it? It's ok

I just wanna say today i'm not happy. for same old reasons. Not happy.. Who cares right? ya..watever..

Grand return

2010-03-30T08:34:00.001-07:00

lol. Nothing grand. just wanted to make the title sound cheeky? Nahh? Orite whatever!

I need to catch up alot on my studies, since i was a week away in wonderland dating with alice.haha

ohh yea, i found a great website where you can watch movie for free! And the quality is NOT hd but it's acceptable. Boleh tahan la

Click here to go that awesome website.

I just watched The bounty hunter. The movie is nice i guess. Hehe.

Orite then, catch you guys later! Huhu...

Scared

2010-03-21T10:07:00.001-07:00

I was excited about my trip this week. But all of sudden i'm too scared. The thought of going back to the bright white place with bright lights and staying there overnight with the hopeless feelings just makes me sigh.. I'm going to be alone thinking about so many things while my friends will be enjoying their college life. I was excited about this trip because it will give me new hopes for my life, but now i'm scared. Can i just fast forward all this? I just hope someone is there to sms me and keep me accompanied. I really do. :(

Sorry for the clueless post. But this post is for me to read back when i'm a successful doctor. =)

Temper

2010-03-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

Need to control mine. You will be surprised to learn that i'm kinda short tempered. Not surprised? Haizz..

But sometimes i think it's not my fault, but after a while, when my anger subsides, i will feel bad for what i have said, and ask sorry. But still i think it's not my fault. Whatever

Didn't study for two days. No mood. Just want to sleep. Haizz

Bye people, won't be in UCSI for a week starting Tuesday. Going on some exciting trip. :) Don't miss me.

Save me before i die

2010-03-19T01:39:00.001-07:00

When i'm down, cheer me up not walk away from me

Spend time with me because you know i deserve it more than anyone else

Talk to me and share every little story about you because you know i will

Treat me like i treat you

Because i'm dying with all these everyday

Change yourself and realize my presence

Save me before i die

Just bringing out my inner Shakespeare. LOL. Not emoing "because i have YOU." SO CHEESY RIGHT? Hate when people talk like that. "I have you!! " Whatever people!

p.s Thank you for being there for me all the time.. ya, it's you! :)

The way you smile

2010-03-13T23:18:00.000-08:00

=] the blog post title has no connection at all with my post. Haha.

I'm just thinking a lot lately, about people and their behavior.

People who abuse others and act like being possessed.

People who take credit for something they didn't even do

People who lie and lie just to get something on their track

People who are just not satisfied with what they have

People who just irritate you when you see their effin face

But, once in a while, some time in my past or future, i was or maybe am or will be one of the People.

Maybe i have taken credit for something i didn't do at all.

Lie and lie just to get something on my track

Not satisfied with what i have

Irritate people

As far as i can remember, i think i have just irritated people. That's my natural talent. lol

Hopefully i had never did any other things, if i had.. Forgive me peeps (No, i'm not going to die today)

Ohh, had an hair cut. That's my news of the day. Had haircut.. How lame it is. So what? You have some magic to twist my life and make it all bouncy everyday? No right? So, stfu. lol.

Talking bout bouncy, i watched Lady Gaga's Telephone. OMG.. *faints... It's super sexy weyy..

That's all for now. Going back Angkasa tomorrow. (Not space, just the condominium where i'm staying).

catcha later..

p.s : I love you. wtf..:p

Fun!

2010-03-12T04:11:00.000-08:00

Had fun today with Jan 2010 A-level orientation. Met juniors and organised a game which is kinda lame. lol. But had fun. And celebrated Paul's and Jaysmond's bday. Don't have much pic coz my phone battery was dead. =( But, managed to take some pic with juniors using Zz's handphone. Thanks dude!! :)

Ya, I am the senior but i don't look like one, so wat? stfu. Lol. And the ribbon is so =.='

Macho pose. lol. The girl,she looks like Farah from my school weyy :))

And the hamper has nothing to do with me. Their group won third place i guess and i didnt get any of it. Even though i was wandering there hoping to get some bits. wth. Nolaa.. (I was :) ). But got a chance to take picture with it.

And some other photos uploaded by Shalini in fb, and i look awfully awesome there.. wth.. lol. snapshots are so not for me.. :))

Orite, gotta eat my ayam goreng mcd now. Catcha guys later.

p.s : Happy!!

Results 2.0

2010-03-10T21:28:00.000-08:00

Thank God i managed to get something nice to see nice to hold. It's not great but i'm happy and satisfied. The results are almost good, so why complain? I got all A except for my statistics 2. I'm satisfied but need to retake S2 to make it an A. It's ok , hopefully will get better marks when i retake and for my other units that i'm going to do this semester. Seriously thank god. At least he didn't mess up my life in terms of academic. lol. And this sem, i need to consider maths as a subject seriously. haha. Need to do a lot of practices. The problem is maths just don't attract me. F u maths.

Orite then, catch you guys later.. :))

p.s treated myself to Magnum Almond ice cream. I'm satisfied. :D

11th march 2010....The Moment Of Truth 2.0

2010-03-10T04:40:00.001-08:00

Yea, the time is here again. Results are coming out tomorrow. SPM results for my juniors and first sem Edexcel Alevel results for me. As usual i'm showing calm face but inside i'm kinda excited. WTF? lol. No, excited is not the word, but i choose to use the word excited because i like to use the word excited. see, i'm excited. I just don't wanna retake any paper, because it will be an addition of burden in my life. Haizz.. Hopefully i can get pretty good result. I'm not talking about A* here, but a normal A or even a B is more than enough for me. Because i know, i didn't put that much of effort. Hopefully i will blog tomorrow with excitement but i have a strong feeling that i won't. :((

Hmm...SPM results are out on 12th march 2009. I'm showing a calm face to my family, but deep inside i'm scared. But never mind, whatever is going to happen, i'm sure it will be for good. Yeah, In Bhagavad Geetha(Hindu's holy book), Lord Krishna said that

Whatever happened, it happened for good. Whatever is happening, is happening for good. Whatever that will happen, it will be for good

So lets stick to that concept....

-Buzzings By M3SH, 6/03/09 (When my life was much more

better)

Happened again

2010-03-09T01:06:00.001-08:00

It happened again

Hate it when i feel unwanted and invisible

Thursday

2010-03-08T10:30:00.001-08:00

Yea, SPM result is coming out this thursday and also my first sem a-level result. Seriously scared weyy.. Damn. I actually promised one of my junior that i will belanja him if i got good results. Haha. see how desperate i am. And he only want high class food. hahaha

ok, my no-internet-after-dinner is totally not working coz i will eventually end up using facebook, It's just super addicting but i think i'm studying enough la. I can feel that. Cehh, feel. lol.

Have to sleep now. Goodnight. Love you all (In case someone is reading this.. wtf.. i'm sopathetic)

Catcha later.. :))

Tuition?

2010-03-05T20:42:00.000-08:00

Yesterday i went to KTM in tasik selatan to go back home. Then i met my schoolmates-who-became-college mates . We were crapping and crapping and all of sudden one of my friend told me she is going for tuition for a-levels. I was "omg, really? that's so awesome". I also want but the problem is i don't think my parent will allow it. Because i still remember few years back when my cousin wanted to go tuition for a-levels, they were so against it saying by the time you are in college you should be depending on your lecturers and yourself only. We are already paying a lot for tuition fees in college now, you wanna go out and study too? and etc... Even though they are not paying for me since i'm a scholar, i think they wouldn't allow because my sister also did a-levels without any outside tutors and still scored well. What should i do ppl?? It's ok. Everything will turn out to be fine.

Ohh btw, i'm going out for my another cousin's engagement. Hehe. Skipped IELTS class. ok.. Catcha later!!

What should i do?

2010-03-02T04:07:00.000-08:00

Just got my maths test result today. And i got 65. It's a C. I seriously miss my SPM days. Where it's only A and never below. Dammit!! What's happening to me. I was telling myself, i'm still new to college environment and i will adapt but seriously this problem is getting worse. I can't keep on getting C and D and B and damn!!! Ok, here's my plan. As everyone know, facebook is the poison. But i can't inactivate my fb account because it's like a part of my life. lol. So, my plan is, no internet after dinner. Unless to check marking scheme answers. Seriously. From today onwards. no more laptop after dinner. And seriously i need to sit and study until 2am no matter what. Because during my SPM i will study until 1 and get up at 6 to go school the next day. So, lack of sleep is not a problem because i will sleep during the day. SO Ramesh!!! SERIOUSLY!!!

That's what i am going to do. Chemistry biology and maths.. I'm so gonna pwn you... Hopefully i will.. seriously, please...

Ok, btw leave your comment to show me some support. lol.

p.s subscribing streamyx is my biggest regret. lol

Honesty or stupidity?

2010-03-01T16:55:00.001-08:00

You are buying stuffs from a supermarket and the person gave you rm 5 as balance where the balance is only rm 1. It's huge right? So, do you tell the person honestly that he/she mistakenly given more or just be silent? When i use common sense, i think most of the people will tell the person and give it back but there are some people out there who don't. They even can call you stupid for returning the money.

The question: Is being honest a sign of stupidity and failure to thrive? When you do a sin, just say back stabbed a friend; Is it stupid to go and admit your mistake to your friend? Because if you didn't admit your mistake, then you are not a true friend and if he/she didn't forgive you, then he/sge is not a true friend. Btw, no one alive or dead is being secretly thrashed here. No.. I was just thinking about the whole honesty thing that people nowadays do not value. I'm not perfect. I'm not trying to imply that i'm the honest creature, so add me on facebook. No, i lie too. I lie a lot. I'm ramesh and i lie. But there is a limit right? You cannot tell a complete lie like to the cashier or to your friend that you secretly back stab. So, why honesty become a sign of stupidity and weakness rather than the sign of pride and greatness?

Just leave your comments below. Yea, if no one did, i will have to write my own comment in the name of "Steven" or something. lol

p.s Seriously no one is personally attacked or thrashed here. This is just a random thought of mine.. :)

Bio Test

2010-02-27T19:14:00.000-08:00

The chapter is so damn boring k. It's about ecosystem and plants and green and global warming. OMG. That's normally the last chapters in SPM textbooks and no one really give a damn about it. But in A2 it's the first topic and it's killing me. The questions are so random and the textbook is filled with graphs and tiny tiny letters inside the graph. I hate tiny letters.The only reason i didn't take Tami literature in SPM was because the textbook was damn thick with a lot of tiny tiny tamil words. Just give me a massive headache. Back to biology, yea.. headache.

What did i do today?

Well, woke up early and studied a bit.. Just skimmed through. And now blogging about my so boring life. Tonight going back to college and hopefully i will study tonight. Because mostly i will end up talking nonsense with my room mate while sms-ing my close friends. I seriously don't think i will study tonight but i'm sure i will buy nescafe and let it sit there staring at me making me feel guilty.

And to some people out there who think i can be used for your own goodness and can be told to do anything for your own benefit and then you get all the credit while me be the bad guy, seriously fuck off. Yes, please. You seriously don't wanna mess with me. huhu.. =p

That's all for now i guess..

oh yea, to spammers please do not advertise about your viagra and 2012 apocalypse theory and your private part massager on my blog. Seriously i hate it. I will be so excited to see "3 comments" and when i click it, it's all craps. Thank You

Coffee save me!!

2010-02-27T05:53:00.000-08:00

lol. I found this interesting website from Amir's blog. So, found this and it's quite funny and something related to all students.. haha

BTW click it to read it fully.. :p

p.s : I seriously have to change.. e-m-o..hate those 3 letters

ARGHHHHHH

2010-02-22T00:21:00.000-08:00

Hotlink youth club has increased their CHEAPEST rate of 5 sen per sms to 6 sen per sms. Why? Just leave it to 5 sen la.. Apa big diffrence? I'm so loyal to maxis ok. Everyweek i top up at least rm 20. Then? Haizz... What else you need from me? Damn you maxis youth club. I'm just waiting for my birthday to use the free airtime to call my maxis friends from 12AM to 12PM. I will even give my phone to my mum for her to call her sisters and brothers and neighbors to talk NON STOP. I so gonna do that. So now, Maxis youth club is not the cheapest anymore. Digi Campus charges 6 sen per sms to other operators and 1 sen to Digi and Celcom have the same rate too. So, now Maxis have nothing special. Hotlink, You are so dead...

Yea.. Gonna go gym today.. AFTER SO LOOONG planning and planning, today going to enter UCSI gym for the very first time. Wish me luck.. lol

Today was awesome. It was awesome..

Catch ya later.. :))

p.s Hehe.. hehehehe...

Are you following?

2010-02-20T05:58:00.000-08:00

Walking on a busy road, no one that you know are beside you. All are there, miles away from you, without turning back to see are you still following. They are the one who you call your friends and spent most of your time with. You fasten your steps to reach them every time they do that, but sometimes, your leg and soul just get tired chasing people that don't really care whether you follow or not. Are they selfish? Not at all. Just forgot. Forgot that you are there just because you are silent. But, how you can be loud, when you have no idea what is the conversation about? Why don't you ask them: what's the conversation is about. You ask them, but the question just get lame and old when you use it every week, every day, every hour. Just walking watching all of them in front, waiting and hoping at least one person realise that you are far behind. At least one person to say " Hey why walk so slow?". Seeking attention? Maybe... You rather get 1% attention than 100% ignorance.

You just follow them like an animal. Your voice isn't heard. Is not asked. Is not being taken seriously. Is not considered to be a voice. You follow them like you are animal, a pet, a creature that don't have right. Why they must ask you, you can give your own opinion anytime. Right? You will, in fact you used to. But it never get respected because your voice does not count. You are just a follower. And sometimes you just don't understand what's the question. You hear but you can't understand. It's not something you understand and you always wish you understand..

You have a person that you can tell your dissatisfaction to. But maybe to that person, you are just one annoying friend. Are you? Yes, you are. Annoying and complaining. But who else you can tell your feelings to? People see as if you fighting with the person. It's not fighting. It's just complaining and being angry because you can only show your anger to that person because that person is the one who will understand you. Who will care for you. As much as you care for that person. That person is your friend that is truly there. But sometimes, even that person ignore you and walk in front leaving you miles behind without turning back to see are you following...

You try to fake your smile and prevent people from seeing your real feelings. But you can't. Coz you have been raised that way. You can't fake smile and fake friendship and fake everything. You can't. It's not a sin, but you are considered to be different because you can't fake. You are considered to be the person that is not cool and not fun because you are not fake enough. You think it's your fault but your mind tells you, they should have been sensitive for your presence. Respect your presence and makes you feel wanted. Make you feel welcomed and make you get involved in decisions and conversations. Sometimes you need that.

You tolerated this for a long time, but sometimes you just break down and feel like want to run away from that place to somewhere people will actually realize you are standing there. Where people will actually ask your opinion, take you into account, make you feel wanted and welcomed and make you feel that you are also one of them. You laugh with them when you understand what's going on. You feel happy when you are involved in the conversation. You get very happy and laugh so loudly when you understand even one small joke because you don't understand most of the time. It's like getting a small drop of water somewhere in the middle of desert. most of the times, you don't get to taste your happiness because maybe for them you are just a follower. Are you assuming? That's how anyone will feel if they are in your situation.

Sometimes you wish you understand what's going on. Where they are going next, what's going to happen, what's the joke and what's the plan and what's happening. Because you are a human too, you want to laugh too. You want to get involved too. But you don't blame them. You blame yourself for being there, because majority rules. But you expect one person to be there for you, the one person that always tells you that he/she cares for you. Because at least one person is enough for you when everyone abandoned you. That one person know that he/she is the person, but sometimes just forgot, because of reason you never understand. You never understand.

You think a lot before writing this post because you know people will say you are being super sensitive and ridiculous, but you have to because you can't keep on being sad hiding your feelings of getting ignored and left all alone even when people are surrounding you. You are surrounded but still you are alone because you have to put yourself in your own world. Your own world because you don't understand the world that you are living.

You are one of them too, and you expect someone to turn back to look whether are you still following? Wait for you or at least shout to ask you to run to them. Because your tired soul need some sort of feelings, feelings to show that you are still wanted and your presence is important and significant. You don't expect everyone to do that, but you do expect one person that you are close with to do that.

p.s Will they understand that you have feelings and want to get involved too? You are not a follower. You are an active person who want to get involved. But for many months, your activeness has been pushed deep because you don't understand what's going on, to get active..

Abandoned

2010-02-18T05:42:00.001-08:00

Damn, i abandoned my blog for very loong time.. Haizz

Catchy isn't? After reading my blog title you guys will think i'm emoing as usual, but at last my post isn't emo at all.. Catchy? No??

Btw, lemme update about me

I’m starting to eat like a monster

Today i went MCD and ate 2 pieces of Ayam Goreng McD set PLUS Mcnuggets 6 PIECES. And i still had appetite for burger ramly

unbelievable, Believe it.. Do you seriously think you have a choice? Just believe it..

What else? Ohh yea, nowadays i wish i can read people’s mind

BTW My sis engagement just over last Monday. Held at Bangi Golf Resort Club House… Curi some pictures from my sis cam, my future in law’s cam and some of my phone cam (which is obviously my face showed fairer!!! :D)

Here’s the slideshow. I love doing slideshow.. Don’t ask why..

(CLICK FOR A BIGGER VIEW AND MAX SATISFACTION.. XD)

And my own perasaan pictures in indian traditional suit..

Btw…Yea, have to study alot. Semester started two weeks ago but i feel like i’m not really putting my effort. Damn it.. Must study hard weyy. What else? Nothing so far.. Need to do my bio and chem revision. Okey? Catch up very soon.. Huhu

CNY Holiday!!!

2010-02-11T07:21:00.000-08:00

Huhu.. Going back home tomorrow. I think tonight is one of the best night ever.. Lol.. no idea why, but i just feeling very positive today. Went KFC and really talked and crapped a lot. And had fun.. And moro going back home.. Huhu.. Catch u guys later.. Bb..

Need to catch up

2010-02-09T06:56:00.000-08:00

I'm so lost in Bio and Maths and Chem.. Way behind. Have no idea what's the lecturers are talking at all. Even biology and chemistry boleh tahan, BUT MATHS..OMG.. WHAT THE HELL IS HE CRAPPING THERE?? Need to sit down and study during Chinese New Year... Like seriously need to. If not i'm so gonna be the blur blur kid.

Just doing my homework after watching Accidentally on Purpose and How i met your mother. lol. K, later.. Bb

KT pictures

2010-02-08T00:17:00.001-08:00

Telah mencuri gambar daripada Tan Ze Xuan, Tan Jef Wayne Zhi Chee dan Ms Amiera dengan selamatnya. Nikmatilah.. Click the slide for bigger view..

Secrets Hurt

2010-02-05T05:13:00.001-08:00

It hurts doesn’t it? When someone that you care and care just decided to not trust you and hide things from you. It hurts. But i don’t get why.. It’s like even though the truth hurts but seriously hiding the truth and lying that nothing is happening, that hurt’s more than the truth. Especially when i know that i’m the one who you always tell your secret to, but suddenly I'm no longer your complain box. That makes me sad. Normally i will ask you to read my blog after i post something, but you won’t at all. Now, i’m not going to ask you read coz now i’m writing about something bad you did to me. Yea, if you guys don’t like me emo-ing here then, just leave my blog now. The problem is i have no idea what went wrong and what changed. Everything seems to be going so well but all of sudden, everything became upside down. I jusr scared that I'm losing my friend. That’s all. I don’t know why ut it’s so hard for me to just let my friend do whatever they want. I care for them. All the time. If i really think that you are my friend deep inside my heart, i won’t let you face alone anything. I’m the type that tell everything honestly. If i don’t like someone i will tell, eventually. I can’t be smiling at the person and inside just saying i hate them. If i hate you, i will hate you and if i love you , i will love you to the core of my heart. I’m an emotional person, sensitive, honest and get hurt easily. Yea, so what? At least i’m honest enough to admit my bad traits. People say caring too much is my fault. Is it? If i care for you, then you go away from me? Then you go closer to people who don’t give a damn about you? Is that what friendship is about? I thought friends care for each other like hell. That’s my definition of friendship. Of course i give space to my friends but isn’t it ridiculous t6 ask me stop caring for you and just ignore whatever you doing? You hurt me today and even when i stop talking about that, i know you hold so many secrets from me, and seriously secrets hurts. There is no use being close friends if you don’t even wanna tell what wrong with you… If you hide it from everyone then it’s fine. I also have secrets that i hide from everyone. lots of them. But you hide it from me and told others about it. So, who am i? Theoretically i am the one who you should tell and hide from others. That’s what you and i have been doing for a quite long time. Then what changed? What changed and why? I forgive you and fake my smiles because i don’t wanna lose you coz you are my perfect friend. So, you think for yourself where do i stand…

p.s. sorry for this emo post that’s only intended to one person but i have to pour my feelings out before i go crazy…

Medical leave

2010-02-03T22:13:00.000-08:00

Having some serious eye infection. Started off on Friday before i go KT, but i thought it's just due to lack of sleep. Became worse on Monday and on Wednesday went to meet my cornea specialist and she confirmed the infection. Gave antibiotic drops that must be used for every hour. It's quite painful so on medical leave yesterday and today. Today, went again and my condition haven't improved. She dilated my pupil to check my inner eye and i don't know wassup. She just reduced the antibiotic drops and gave me anti-inflammation steroid. Omg, i sound so sad. haizz.. So, have to go back on Monday to check. And if my condition haven't improved, have to inject antibiotic in my eye. Didn't attend classes for two days in row and that's a great way to start a semester. And everyone is going to look at me like i'm a drug addict. Wanted to update on KT but have to post on my miserable life. lol. Will upload some pictures taken by Zz when i'm free. In a very bad mood. Later..

p.s :To some pathetic illegal companies, please stop spamming my blog. I'm gonna reject your spam comment anyhow, so don't try.

Away

2010-01-30T07:49:00.001-08:00

Yippee!!Away in Kuala Tereenganu UCSI campus until Monday... Hopefully can blog back on tuesday!! Bye!

New timetable

2010-01-27T05:20:00.001-08:00

Just got our new timetable from Ms Joanne. Two days got 8 am class.. :(( Btw, i bought new earphone for Rm 30 which is going to spoil in 2 weeks. lol. I just bought it for this week because might be travelling for a long time. So, yea. What else yea? Ohh yea, i bought my A2 textbooks and photostated C1 and C2. C1 and C2 got new textbooks this year. But if you already have the old version, it’s ok. Btw, i know it’s very lame to take photo of my new earphone but i have nothing else to snap. lol. Catch u guys later.. One more thing, if you guys just finished SPM and want to know more about Pendedahan Kerjaya seorang doktor by JPA you can search in my blog… You can even leave your questions here, i will be more than happy to help you guys.. Have fun!!

The poll is still open --------------->>>>>>>>>

p.s I’ll always love you… :)

Legion : Review

2010-01-24T03:53:00.001-08:00

Alright the result was out. But, only had 6 votes. Have no idea where is all my followers. lol. Btw, out of 6 , 4 people decided that my life is so boring including my vote. lol. And 2 more people decided their life is more boring. lol. It’s okay lets enter into world of boredom. Btw, i watched Legion that day with my friends. And the movie is not at all good. It’s like very very confusing and no fun. Suddenly, the angel comes and helps and suddenly he is dead and suddenly he returns and save the baby and he didn’t want to kill the villain but decided to let go and the villain also just went away. It’s because the villains here is angels. Thus angels don’t kill each other. So, this movie is not the X Men, or not even Harry Potter type. And the movie set is just one desert. ONLY ONE LONELY DESERT. It’s very lame and boring. If you blinked once, you will be lost. As most of the movies nowadays, the trailer was more awesome than the movie.. But, the part where one granny climbing the wall was funny . lol That’s all for now i guess..

Trailer for you guys

Yea, having another new poll on Legion. This time i won’t vote myself.

Catch you guys later.

take the poll---------------->>>>>>>>>>

p.s The first vote is still mine!!!

Quote

2010-01-18T08:33:00.001-08:00

“You drove a nail deep inside a wooden block, and then pulled it back expecting it not to have a single mark”

I’m sorry Just bear with me.

Bored

2010-01-17T04:11:00.001-08:00

Nothing much today. Woken up at 2 pm by Liz calling me to ask “what time lunch???”lol. Then, we went to have lunch in Richies (one cafe in Taman Connaught). Later, i went to Watson’s to buy my Gatsby Wild Shake with Zz because my old one almosf going to finish. Then, went back to hondo and did revision for Mathematics and watched Private Practice and now blogging on this. And can you see i’m even blogging about me walking to Watson’s as if it’s a big deal. BUT I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO BLOG… MY LIFE IS SUPERB BORING!!!

ok now, Let’s take a vote.

How many of you guys think my life is super boring? Read up my blog and vote.
I have this natural tendency to think that there are people called "M3shtalks readers". Let's just Hope so.. wtf

(According to Nuffnang (my ad provider), i’m getting more than 50 visitors per week. So hopefully i will get some votes.)

POLL CLOSED

What’s the big deal of being “outside US?”

2010-01-15T21:31:00.001-08:00

this is really getting me damn angry. Any HQ official video of ANY POPULAR ARTISTE cannot be watched because “this video is not available in your country”. I can’t even go to pandora because they start implementing the same shit. What the hell man, you think people outside US lives in igloo? We listen to songs too. Some ridiculous law? Or is it our country's fault? Haizz

Then, i tried to hide my IP address. I CANT FIND ANY SOFWARE THAT HIDE WITHOUT CHARGING ME. Come on, I'm a student for God sake. Can’t a human being enjoy music? Why we are punished for being non-us citizen? Why God? lol..Being dramatic..

Yea, one of my best friend told I'm super dramatic especially when i sms. The thing is you just pour out your feelings when you sms.. My words maybe sound a little bit “Shakespeare''-ish. Does it? I don’t think so. Btw, next Tuesday i got exam for 2010 Edexcel Biology Unit 2 and S2 Edexcel 2010. Haha..Hoping for my exam to be seriously OVER. Alright then, catch you guys later.

P.S : Did you read bout me saying “catch you guys later”. I have no idea who am i talking to or whether i'm talking to myself. Because i don’t even know are there any people out there reading my blog. lol. So, if you read my blog, just leave comments. btw, nice colour eh? lol THANK YOU!!

Exam Zone!

2010-01-14T09:13:00.001-08:00

Haha.. crazy blog title.. My Unit 1 exam sucked like hell. Biology 1, did one careless mistake.. One as far as i know… Chemistry 1 did two careless mistakes. TWO THING THAT IS VERY SIMPLE AND I KNOW IT VERY WELL BUT DIDNT READ THE QUESTION PROPERLY!!!! OMG.. S1 i did another careless mistake too. Realised at the end, but no time to correct it because if i correct it then i have to change the graph and all those things, so i just left it .. Haiz.. It’s like in my school i’m one of the smartest kid and “teacher’s favourite” according to some of my juniors but here in college i’m one of the not-so-smart-average student which really makes me sad. In every exam it’s going to be me who gets lowest marks among my friends and it really pisses me off. I tried so hard for my this exam but still haizz… I think i will retake my chemistry 1. I really need an A. Seriously. I don’t fancy A* even though it will be awesome to get A* but that’s quite impossible. A is more than enough for me. Now i have Bio2, Chem2, and S2 which are much much much more tougher than previous exams. OMG.. Just hope that i and my batch will do fine…

p.s I’m really tired of faking smiles.. Hopefully everything will change back to normal and i’m sorry for everything..

When you hold the knife

2010-01-10T07:16:00.001-08:00

I always talk about people hurting me and stuff.. But, today i realised that i hurt people too. I hurt one of my best friend. When i do that stuffs, i didn’t realise that i was hurting but when someone else do that same thing to that person, then i feel bad and realise that I’m also a knife holder. I’m also capable of hurting people and i too possess the evil power. I didn’t want to blog about this because i already asked sorry to that person, but i think it’s fair for me to blog what bad things i have done too. And yea, i’m not going into details, but i promised that person i will never ever do that again. Because what kind of friend hurt their bestest friend in the world just to achieve what they want. I don’t wanna be like that. I’m not going to be the reason people feel sad. I am not perfect but i can try and for you i’m going to try to lift off all my selfish desires and think about other’s feelings. I always blame others for hurting me, but it’s just that i fail to understand others. I was a kid who thinks everyone should understand me. But i am not a kid anymore. I should behave the way people understand and if they can’t , i must help them too. Yea, new year the new me. Tadaaa…

Exam in two days!!

2010-01-09T08:22:00.001-08:00

oh my god… exam in two days.. I got bio unit 1..it’s external so it’s one of my major exam that will affect my overall grade. Ok, I'm getting a little bit tiny little extra scared after i wrote that line. Haha.. Btw, i found a new term “vlog”. Lol.. I know i’m lame. I am pretty sure most of ypu guys knew this term few years back. Haha. Btw, yea just knew this term after watching one funny fella vlogging on youtube. He’s kinda a celebrity now..Maybe i write blog about him in my next blog and put some vlogs of him. But he is really funny. And yea, i just had a haircut and i have no idea how i look like because my mind can’t really care about my hair now. Haha.. What else? Quick think i need to do my maths.. I think that’s all.. Oh yea, i downloaded Opera 10 few days ago and it’s pretty cool and i also downloaded Windows Live Writer which is a blog writer that i’m using right now. It’s very easy to use because you don’t have to open up your browser start blogger.com and blah blah. Just open this programme and you can start writing. It’s easy to use. That’s all i guess and to some of my friends out there who is wondering am i still blogging because i am not talking about my blog anymore. I STILL DO BLOG, just didn’t promote it a while because all of my blog entry was becoming emo-er and emo-er. Is that a word? LOL BTW now, i officially assure you my blog posts will be more funnier and crappier and less emo-er. Hopefully.. Orite enjoy your week ahead.

P.S How’s my signature.. Lol.. yeayea…I’m going crazy! …

Have to study now.

2010-01-07T05:59:00.001-08:00

Having major exam in few days. Studying and hoping for the best. Maybe won’t be blogging that often!

P.S. PRAY FOR US!! :)

2010 First Post

2010-01-01T07:01:00.001-08:00

Woah, i can’t believe it’s 2010. I mean it’s just like yesterday i went to college and zoooom, it’s 2010 man. And it’s going to be tough year inn terms of college coz we might be going deeper into studies like half of a page of details for a small nucleus. And that’s just in textbook, how about reference? LOL. Oh yea, i must buy a new textbook i guess and it’s going to cost a lot for my parents because JPA DOESN’T GIVE BOOK ALLOWANCE FOR FOUNDATION. pheww.

If my secondary school friends are reading this, they would say “ohh rich fella talking jpa money tak cukup
”. But the truth is i’m not F******* rich . Seriously and i have no idea why people say I'm rich. It all started with my teachers who told that i’m rich just because of the place i stay. A typical line goes like this “ Hey Ramesh, tolong minta ayah u donate untuk itu ini. Kan you stay at Bangi Golf Resort”. That’s the line i hear almost everyday. But, i think i am not that rich coz as others who are rich i don’t really can buy all those expensive stuffs that i wish i could. So, i’m not sure. Maybe my parent are rich, I'm not because i don’t have enough money to spend to label myself as a rich fellow.

What did i do today? Ermm.. Just had fun with my baby niece and yea lame life. Lol. Didn’t really went out because my eyes kinda hurt today. Anyway i saw this ad in The Star newspaper by Petronas about New year.

“Some people are blind except to their own colour, some people are colour blind.

Some people are proud to belong to their race, Some people take pride in belonging to the human race”

It has some truth right, it has some great truth. People just think about their own race. They don’t think that we all are humans and we all need a chance to grow. I mean what you are going to do if you are the most superior race? That’s not a big deal. Rome was defeated in a day. No matter how superior you are, you will be down. Ashoka , a great Indian emperor who ruled almost the entire India He is a great emperor but at last it all ended , right? So, why can’t we share the wealth among us and live happily without thinking that i;m superior and stuffs. Haizz..

Orite that’s all i guess. Catch u guys later.

P.S : You made me speechless.

Merry Christmas!!

2009-12-24T01:20:00.000-08:00

What a year.. Haha.. Had some fun and some misery. And been emo all year long. WTF.. Actually not really. Just that people only see my face when i emo, when i happy they don't see... So, they say i emo all the time.. Lol... But i promised to change next year. So, yea will change!! Yea.. go go mesh!!! Got exam nest year january but seriously no mood to study but have to right.. Haihzz.. Haha..

Let's talk about good things that happened to me this year...

Got 11 a1 in spm
Got Jpa scholarshp met alot of new friends
Found my true best friends who are always there for me and
never give up on me no matter what..
Kc and Zz and others
Got an awesome roommate who understands me very well
And got a new sister, Bibo who is seriously caring and her boyfren who is caring too..lol... And everyone else who make my day.
Learnt the power of fate and faith
Learnt about people.. Not to trust anyone except people that you know you can
Someone promised me that the person will change to not hurt me anymore...
which is very nice...

Now bad things Didn't get what i expected Had been sick the whole year Was hurt again and again but next year it won't happen.. Found people that hate me silently within 5 months... Haiz.. hopefully they will understand me..

That's all i guess .. Huhu.. So next year 2010 i'm going to be 19 and i'm not going to be emo anymore.. Huhu.. I am a happy man.. Haha.. So

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

especially to
Kc
Thessa, Jef, Paul, Kelvin, Joanna and everyone else!! Hoho

Blog!!

2009-12-15T08:13:00.000-08:00

Haha.. i should blog more often..But seriously no mood to. Today having terrible flu and headache. Moro, might do some blogging..not sure.. Laterz..

Why?

2009-11-26T04:46:00.000-08:00

Now seriously i have to take action on my emoness... People even far far away from me can feel it. But, the problem with me is, i just become jealous very easily and get hurt when i'm ignored.. The thing is i always feel like i must know about the person i am close with better than anyone else... When someone else tells me about the person and i don't know that thing earlier i feel really upset.. Coz i should have known it, coz i'm close with you... And when the person i'm close with chooses someone over me, that makes me emo too.. You see, when people like you they will make you feel like shit on purpoae.....Haihh.. Emo Emo.. Emo... Hate being like that...

But nowadays i just show happy faces, faking smiles and laughs so that ppl won't tell i'm a emo fella and over sensitive n craps... But yea, i tell some ppl that i'm close with about my real feelings... Like Kc and Zz and Sanjay and etc... Whatever...

Ok, now happy time..

You Are a Winner

You tend to find yourself lucky - both in business and in life.

And while being wealthy is nice, you enjoy sharing your abundance with others.

You put your luck to good use: you are very ambitious and goal oriented.

Often times, you get over excited and take on more than you can manage.

Your strength: Your ability to make your own luck
Your weakness: Thinking you can do it all
Your power color: Bronze
Your power symbol: Half Moon
Your power month: August

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

Yea.. so nice ah.. Lol...

p.s. Got terrible marks in Chem 1 and 2... My chem doesn't sucks.. It's the lecturer.. This time i know it, coz i folowed marking scheme exaclty,,(They used past year papers). So, when i still doesn't get A, then whose fault is that? Lol...

Words can hurt you... Very deeply indeed

2009-11-25T01:29:00.000-08:00

You see, people like to talk about you. When you are with them, when you are not with them, they just enjoy the pleasure of talking about you. But, when the talk about you is just some random craps and lies.. Huhu... That's not good. But when that crapping is over and people ask sorry to you, you still can't forgive them because they talked about you so badly. Got it when i was in school just because i hold a lot of high positions in my school (Jealousy i guess).. Had it now for unknown reasons... But all lead to me having a very negative thought of people... I was talking to my friend and he said every one is like that in this world. People backstab or bitches around to make them look superior.. But not everyone right? I mean not everyone is like that. Most of my friends are not like that... I'm not like that.. I only bithces when someone else started the bitching procedure... Sorry for the choice of words..Lol... Btw, we went to Midvalley last week to watch 2012, but ended up watching Jennifer's body which is a big time sucker..

Then last monday went Midvalley again to watch 2012, but ended up watching Christmas Carol AND also 2012 btw.. Haha... 2012 was damn funny because i was sitting beside my friend and started crapping alot.. So everything they say in the movie ,i crapped about it and screamt and LAUGHed LOUDLY... hahaha.. It was fun.. Lol....

p.s My house have no water supply... I have no idea what am i going to do.. Haihh..
'

Happy future...

2009-11-15T20:47:00.001-08:00

Haha.. went to this website from Jef's blog..

And i am going to marry.. hehehe... Anyway if you all wanna try just click this link..

http://www.espin.com/mash-game.php

My Bestest Friend

2009-11-08T19:24:00.000-08:00

Well xome people say everyone is their best friend. That's true. But, at the end of the day, there is one or two special friends that you value your friendship most with. Fight, cry, laugh. And we realise they are our bestest friends when problems strike us. That's when they come into help making our life less miserable. Family of course helps too, but friends can understand us better because they are our same age. So, this post is for my bestest friend,

Kaesarina@ Kc

Kaesrina @ Kc with her nephew..

This is a new uploaded picture coz she sent me about 6 sms after seeing the earlier pic!! Lol. With her, i'm open. She is my bestest friend and i tell her everything except some things that i shouldn't tell to a girl Hahaha... But we are seriously open and we talk about every single thing! Everything excpt as i said earlier. We fight like hell. For example in Form 3, we fighted and she didn't wanna talk to me at all. Almost few months. And i also kinda mengada, and didnt talk to her until one day i realised this cannot be not going on forever... So, i think it was me who went and asked sorry. I'm not sure about that fact. Haha... Then, few months earlier. We argued again. But this was small fight . Haha. But still it was very sad and again it was me who asked sorry. Lol... But it was my fault anyway. Wait a min... Her fault too.. Lol...And when i was sick she was calling me and we talked so looong in the middle of the night. When the nurses came to inject me with some really nasty antibiotic, she was there to calm me. I know i sound like a child here, but i am. I am still a child at heart (also at body shape!!..Lol). And whenever i'm down i will call her, and whenever she is down, she will call me. But whenever we fight, it will be me to call her.. Lol... We have this very strong friendship that i'm very sure will last forever. She smsed me that day that we will open our own hospital and all.. That was very nice and she is like my own sister just that she is very tall. Not that tall, just as tall as me. Lol... I will be talking to her in phone every single day (approx) and one more thing. There is one little diffrence between us. She has a friend that i hate. Haha. So i avoid talking bad about her to Kc but i can't resisi it!! Lol... Whenever i say something bad about her she wil say "Nolaa... she is good laaa". And i will say "ya watever". And that's all. End of discussion. Lol.. She is very caring too..

Lol... Btw, Kc is coming to visit me on 25th of Nov.. Huhu...

p.s There is another close friend of mine that i really value the most.. ZeXuan.. He is the best you can ever find.. Thanks Dude..

Maths

2009-10-23T04:51:00.000-07:00

Having maths test this saturday and my maths sucks. I am no longer than the always 80++ student. Haihh... Not that i don't know but i do mistakes. Lots n lots of mistakes. Haihh... hopefully tomorrow i can do it ok-ly... haha... laterz

Over...

2009-10-19T20:10:00.000-07:00

OVERreacted... I displayed unnecessary emotional distress . But, i didn't do it on purpose. I did what i wanted to do for a very long time. But after sleeping, I'm back again. Refreshed new and ready to be hurt again. Come on, who wan a chance?

Btw, yesterday i had a very very funny but terrible nightmare. I dreamt that my mum is marrying again for the second time with a stranger Indonesian. I was weeping and pushing my pillows while asleep. Suddenly i just screamed and i woke up. Looked at the time, just 4 o'clock. Then i told "it was just a dream.. Just a dream". I think the reason i dreamt about her is i was thinking about my mum before i sleep. I miss her. When she cared too much for me, i will tell her to leave me alone. But now here, when i have no one to care for me, i miss her. I wish she would have been here. If my mum read this (i hope not), she will think i'm possessed wit sum evil spirit. Coz i don't talk like this to her. With love.. I don't talk like this. Hahah.. What the hell happening to me??? I'm changing. Becoming someone very very sensitive and start to talk like i am going to die tomorrow. If any of my ex school mates read this, they also will think im possessed. Haha... It just not me. Rameshh... WER R U??? Come back to this body dude... Im fine, Im fine, im fine.... Just taking things very deeply ,and i was not like that. Wssup with this sudden change? Maybe it's the college stress. LOL... To my college buddies, im so sorry. Im always angry n emo and release it and i know u guys hate me for that. But i just dunno why im being like this.. Im so sorry... some says it's because of my surgery. But, is it? I don't want to think that way. I'm not going to be a weak person because of decision that i didn't take. 'm not going to change the way i am just because of my stupid miserable fate.

Ignored

2009-10-19T08:23:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt ignored? Never? Step into my life and you will for every single day. I'm having the most terrible phase in my life in UCSI. Terrible, i mean it. Got friends but most of them don't give a damn about me. Don't give a damn whether i exist or dead. I'm not sure about this, but this is what they make me feel like.They make me rewind a line from Grey's anatomy where Christina Yang will say There is no friends here, you are alone. I'm alone. I'm surrounded but alone. Ignored, miserable but alone. Seriously thinking about going to college from my house. But if i do that, i will lose a special relationship. A special relationship that is holding back my tears and pulling me back from end of this world. Not girlfriend, but a step lower than that. A special someone that is like my family member. But when that person ignore me, it hurts in a very very very sensitive place. I need someone to care for me, to ask me am i ok... Will that ever happen God? Im seriously having a terrible life in UCSI. Always miserable? That's me. Can i just end everything and run away? No, i must study right. But these problems, having no one beside me... It really bothers me. What should i do? Time might answer, hopefully it doesn't ignore me. Miss my home.. Miss my life... Need a time machine...

Love

2009-10-15T07:03:00.000-07:00

Love, it can exist between anyone. Between boys and girls, and also between very close friends of same sex. When a person saya i love you to someone same sex with them, that doesnt mean they are gay. It simply means they are very close friends. Why people always relate love with lust? I have these problem. I am very expressive. So, i tell everything to everyone. I use the word "dear" to my friends, guys or girls. I say i love you and i miss you to everyone, guys or girl. That doesn't mean that i'm in romantic love with them. It simply means its bromantic love or sismantic love. I treat all my friends with love and people who are shallow minded who keep on saying that saying love you to another guy is gross simply make me wanna puke on their face. Of course i don't say i love you in a romantic way. It's just a expression of love towards my friends. That's shallow and stupid if you think thats gay. Maybe you are the one who are unsure of your sexuality. I hope people don't misunderstand me.. My close friends in UCSI tease me with a nerdish guy that i am gaying with him. But, i have no problem with it coz its purely for fun. But when people seriously tell me that im a gay for telling the magic word to a guy, thats stupid. Thats stupid and shallow just go and get a life. So yea, im expressive and if you have problem with that, you have no reason to live on this world if you can't express your love.

Laterz
M3SH

p.s . the term bromantic exist but sismatic , i created it.. lol

Ugly for two weeks at least.

2009-10-04T08:22:00.000-07:00

I cut my hair. And it looks not so good (A nice way of saying ugly). But, when i look positively, it will be in a just nice length during Diwali when i will be posing with a brand new kurtha which is coral in color. Btw, i forgot to blog about my naming process that happened on my first few weeks in UCSI. One girl whose name is Tan Yan Yee told her name to me. I heard Tan Yam Yam. So i started calling her Yam Yam. And guess what, everyone follows it. Huhu... Now she is more popular with the name Yam Yam than Yan yee. She is in my close circle of friends too now. Another fella i call him zz. His name is Tan Ze Xuan. I tell you there are alot of Tans here. Haha.. not that much actually, juz mengada-ing. lol... Back to ze xuan , i named him zz. And even though his zz name is not as popular as yam yam, some of us still call him zz. Or maybe just me. And he is my pet . Haha.. Human pet who is very very very close to me. And guess what from my hondo unit i can see KLCC view.. Huhu... just realised.. Haha... I know this post is short and boring but i'm having flu and damn sleepy.

That's all for now i guess. Laterz
-M3SH-

p.s. Im ugly for 2 weeks.

At last!!

2009-10-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

Grey's anatomy is back. I'm downloading the first two season now, and i'm sure after this i'm going to enjoy my life.. Huhu. And my hondo unit got streamyx , so i can blog everyday now. Hopefully. Anyway this is the view from my hondo's living room.
Laterz
-M3SH-
p.s Seriously happy today because GA is back!

No.. It's Not

2009-09-20T05:16:00.000-07:00

Firstly, sorry Brian i didn't accept your comment due to some issues. Haha. But i really appreciate it. And also others who commented. Well this week has been very fine. Just Fine, Nothing special. The only thing special was i finished my chemistry test and bio test. And the stupid news is that, in the chemistry test i missed out the last question because i didn't even know that was a fucking question. I thought it's some crappy info or something. Because it was black in colour k. Everything else was in white background but for this freaking ques it was black. How the hell should i know? At the end when the lecturer collected the paper and looked at the last ques, then she looked at my face. At that moment i realised something. And trust me you know what's that. Haizz.. Sad

Anyway i bought two new things this week. One a new handphone which i was craving for since last year when Sony Ericsson announced it. It's not that expensive now, so i bought it. Huhu.. And i also bought a router for my house. And i have problem pronouncing it. I pronounce it as Rooter but the peeps in comp shop pronounce it as R"OUT"er. And i ended up in a whose english is correct battle. Haha. Just a few mins though.When i came back home and i configured it ALL BY MYSELF, i googled how to pronounce that word. It seems that using American accent, we pronounce it as R"out"er but in British accent, we pronounce it as Rooter. So, which wan to use in Malaysia. Whatever as long as people understand.

Later
-M3sh-

p.s. I sound happy? Wait till i go back to college . Haha...

Really?

2009-09-12T23:07:00.000-07:00

Im suprised that there are people interestd in the story. But unfortunately, the story teller doesn't want to tell the ending. Maybe next year or maybe never. So, yea, i'm going to delete the post because the story is stupid and humilating and stupid. What happened this week? A lot of stuffs. A lot of heart slashing and mind twisting stuff. Am becoming the sensitive monster. What the hell am i crapping? I don't know. I crapped alot this week, but also spoke my mind out. Told everything that i wanted to tell to everyone especially someone. Hopefully people understand. But, normally they don't. What can i do? Just shut up and be silent. But, i didn't . I told everything hidden inside my mind for a very long time. Jealousy is taking me over? No, it's not. I am jealous, but i can't control it bcoz i feel alone. Surrounded by people but still i feel alone. How does it feels like when you are left behind alone without no one waiting for you? Miserable? Yes, i am feeling that way. I know, i'm crapping. But it's my blog right, so i have the divine rights to crap here. People who should understand will understand;hopefully.

Anyway i moved to a new hondo unit. Here are the pictures.

Look small right? I don't know why, but it's not small.
Back to Crapping. My only comfort; Grey's anatomy is gone. I finished season 5, so nothing else to watch and i'm missing it. I'm missing eveything. Something is seriously wrong with me, and im feeling sad all the time but no one to tell, no one to listen. So, at the end just listen to some crappy emo song and go to sleep. But, don't worry, not affecting my studies. I'm still doing FINE so far. Just fine. Enough of crapping.. Later

-M3SH-
p,s. I care about people that i love. Not only girlfriend but also bestfriend. I care a lot. I do

Emo again!!!

2009-09-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

After a very long thunderstorm, I’m starting to gather back all the shattered pieces of my dreams. ‘M putting it into a box buried deep inside my heart and walking away. ‘M Walking away without looking back. Looking back is just another thunderstorm. I have faced enough. Faced enough difficulties, faced enough problems and faced enough storms. Not being emotional, not being sentimental. But, this is what I’ll post in my blog when I accidentally turn back and look at my past. But, now I’m getting to go on with my life. Recovery time for my hurt soul is 3 months; I’ve counted. But, it’s not fully healed. There are some bruises that will heal as the time passes. When, people say time is the best healer. I tell myself “such a dramatic line”. But, in fact Time IS the best healer. I can just wait. Being depressed is a medicine for me. I think back all types of craps i underwent and be depressed. And the worst part is now i am being so irritational. And sick all the time. Having sore throat for almost 2 weeks. No fever but just sore throat. AT night can’t even swallow my food. And people started to see me as if i’m a sick kid. Trying to connect with people, but connection not stable. And i’m not getting what i want. Whar is happening? My life is cursed or something?
Anyway, JPA’s money is in. And that’s all. Nothing to blog actually. Coz i have been busy all the while but nothing interesting except for Hanisha’s bday in which i was damn sick. So, whoever read this just click on the ads. It makes me happy. Haha

-M3sh-
p.s. I want this to be over, but i know that the God thinks that i have not faced enough. So to God “:Bring it on you son of bitch!!! Bring it on.. Gimme your best shot!!!”

Bz with homework..

2009-08-29T07:28:00.000-07:00

Haha... I am damn busy with homework but still want to watch grey's anatomy season 5 that i missed because at the exact same time there was another programme in Star World. And in Star world for reasons unknown to me, they don't air Grey's anatomy nowdays. Come on peeps, i subscribed Star World just for that series!! Haha.. K, later

-M3sh-

P.S I've changed my mobile number. I think i texted my new number to everyone. If you think you didn't get it, but should have gotten it, just send me a comment here. Or Facebook or Myspace or whatever... Just don't sms my old number. Haha...

My Bday

2009-08-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

Huhu.. Birthday party at my hondo..

Yea, cool right.. I mean alot and alot of people were there, but i just knew some of them. Haha.. And guess whats my bday gift. From my new found friends, it;s a wallet from TL and from my old school mates, malar,its Alain Delon socks (she so does understand me) and peras it's a box of chocolate which i din't eat yet. Been kinda very busy.

And yesterday we had a movie night. Watched 4 movies in a row. Woohoo. Coz next week holiday so we had a relaxation moment. Huhu.. Anyway the white colored t-shirt girl standing beside me, HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP WITH ME... just friends, I'm telling this before you guys started making connections and equations. Huhu... Btw, thanks FOR ALL THE WISHES i received on my birthday night. The winner who wished me exactly at 12 goes to Joanna , a girl from my class. But the person who wished me FIRST is darshini.. And consolation prizes goes to Azlan, Tamil, Aathi coz they all are the last batch to wish. Alan leads the list by wishing after 15 min and still can ask "am i the first one?". Haha..

Laterz,

-mesh-

P.s. I just uploaded the pictures that i look nice in. There is a pic where i look like a vampire. Totally, but not that hot type tho.

What to blog?

2009-08-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

Nothing to blog.. Actually there is.. But the story is kinda loooong and i have no mood to. Anyway i got Chemistry test next tuesday and i'm kinda studying hard for it. Btw, i cannot surf internet from Mcdonalds and Oldtown.. i tried everything from protocols to disabling norton antivirus. But, still i cannot surf. Any ideas? And guess who's birthday is next monday? Hehe

-M3sh-
p.s. Free to mingle not ready to tingle.

Idol's Paula Quits.

2009-08-08T00:22:00.000-07:00

That's a fragment of Paula Abdul's Twitter page. She decided to leave the show that she made famous and made her to be famous. She has been the supportive-angelic-energetic judge who cries at least more than 4 times each season. She has been the one doing all bizarre stufs in front of camera. She is the one who fighted with Simon Cowell on the very first season.

But, why she quits now?

According to some websites, she actually quit because of the money that's offered to her is not enough. I didn't believe at first. Who would leave a show that's watched by millions across US and another millions across the globe?

According to reports,Simon Cowell earns USD 40 Million from that show, while she only earns USD 2 million .

Now, who wouldn't?

But, since she had already decided about leaving, let's look what's on for her.

Every since she announced her quitting from Idol, she has been getting quiet number of offers. One of the well known offer is from "So you think you can dance?". She can obviously dance and that show is so suitable for her.

But, what will happen to Idol's. Maybe the rating will go down.
But, Idol's peeps has a solution for it.

Yes... It's Posh.. What kind of disaster Idol is going to be? When Kara came, it's already one. Now, with Victoria Beckham? But, let's just wait and see what's going to happen.

Money???

2009-08-05T05:45:00.000-07:00

JPA didn't open my account yet...

Actually I'm confused here. Story time

Few weeks ago, Ms Maybel (someone holding a high post at UCSI) came to our class and told us that JPA opened an account for us in Bank Islam and we need to pay Rm 8 and collect our ATM card.

So i was damn excited (i'm like electrons, get excited easily) that i'm going to get money at the end. So, that weekend when i went back home i went to Bank Islam and asked them.

"No, there's no account under your name. I don't think JPA will open account for you, you should open it yourself. " That's what she exactly told me in BM and gave me stacks of forms to fill up to open a new acc. But since my maths lecturer asked us not to get paranoid and open our own acc, i just retuned the form and went back home.

Then, i heard thatbecause i appealed to change from AIMST to UCSI, thus, maybe the process of opening is quite late. And maybe early of August i may already have an acc.

Yesterday went to Bank Islam.
"Nope, JPA didn't open yet."

Argghhhh... I need money... Haha, i sound desperate as if i starved for the last 3 months.. But i want my allowance ....

P,s: I'm not depressed anymore. Starting to get back to my normal state of mind. One dude smacked my head up to the right side. Tekiu2..

Depression

2009-07-26T06:09:00.000-07:00

Right after my SPM result, my life started to twist. Unfortunately, it's an unexpected twist. Never thought that i will be in UCSi. Never thought and never prepared. Miss my friends terribly.

Last post i was all against my new environment. But i found out the truth. I just misses my comfort zone. I'm thrown out of it. Went to Tamil's sent off party and today went to school's "money giving" ceremony. In both occasion i realized one thing

My life has completely changed and

I MISS MY FRIENDS TERRIBLY!!

During Tamil's sent off party i realized that i didn't spend enough time with them during SPM. Busy with Redaksi, busy with exams and poof time had gone.

Today met alan, adhila, Sanjay and i felt don't wanna leave that place. In fact i was the last one to leave the place. Missed them so much till i feel like wanna cry when i gave them "buhbye" hug.

In UCSI i'm not the one i am. Not the one i used to be in school. No one that i can talk EVERYTHING, no one that i always have fun with. When i chat with alan, jay and etc, it's always fun. Not once hurt. Fun.. But in UCSI , it's almost always hurting.

Why?

I'm being rude. I cannot imagine that i fit there. Coz all the while i was thinking if i didn't get JPA i'm going to Sunway, but suddenly, complete twist.

I'm no longer the guy that chats with everyone i see,that have the entire classroom as friends, that is so friendly. Now, i can barely communicate with people. What's happening to me?

Thrown out from Comfort Zone.

In a very harsh way indeed. 6 months with parent and friends who made my life so full. Now, no one is there. No one that i want is there. I regret.

Regret for no reason. Each day after class, i feel like wana drop down and cry. WHY??? I feel as if i don't belong there. My stupid mind is still hoping that some miracle will happen and i will go to my dream college. Penang Medical College to do twinning. Half of my soul still hoping and half of it don't want to accept the changes.

All those complains in previous posts are merely excuses. The people that i grow up with for 5-12 years, are suddenly missing. The people that were my best friends, gone in different path. I know this will happen, in fact i was totally excited into going college and making new friends, but i can't.

Feel like wana get out from UCSI and re-enter sunway, but i can't. JPA will never give me a chance. Why sunway? My friends are not there either. But i was prepared to enter Sunway mentally 3 months ago.

But, i'm powerless. No options but to just shut up and study there. Just go through it and just go through it. When i turn back i can see all the memories that i'm leaving behind. I'm afraid even to look back coz i'm afraid that i will lose control and run away from my life. Run back to past, but it's impossible.

P.s. I'm good just going through some very hard phase in my life: The transition.

Off to Sarawak...

2009-07-25T08:06:00.000-07:00

Not me, but one of my best friend Tamil is. He got JPA scholar after much appeal and now he's off to Miri, Sarawak to study engineering in Curtin Tech uni.Woohoo!!

I don't know why i'm so exicted but i am.

HAha...

He sms-ed me few hours ago informing he already arrived at Sarawak.

At the noon, we had a sent off party for him. Didn't take any pictures coz no cam and my mobile cam sucks.

Taz all... Moro goin for the anugerah cemerlang thing by school. Hopefully will get more than rm 100. But it seems too good to come true.

Laterz.....

p.s. Thinking of running from this country to a totally new place!!

Back.....

2009-07-19T06:59:00.001-07:00

Moro going back to my hondo(Hostel+ Condo). Hehe.. I actually starting to hate that place. Dunno why i loved it in the first week. Maybe the excitement of entering college blinded me. Seriously my room is damn small, my room at house is 100% bigger than it. Being hyperbolic guys. Haha..

It's actually just slightly smaller than my original room, but in my house i sleep alone. But here, it's two bed. So, where got space to move around? It is obviously built for one person, but these people put two bed there to make my life miserable. Thank God, my room mate is tolerable, if not i would have jumped out from my 18Th floor.

And the food?? Hmm.. Lunch- Some Chinese cafe and night the same old ******* Ali Baba restaurant. The food was fine earlier now its getting like ****. I hate it. Maybe the original cook has resigned because he saw us every single day there except weekend.No other place to go too, coz the JPA didn't give ur allowance yet and we are BROKE!!. My dad gave me 100 last Sunday and last Friday i just had Rm 1!! Can you imagine?

The only good thing there is the people and the lecturers. At the end of the day, i am there to study and become a MD holder. Nothing else... But each day after class, i feel like wanna vomit just after entering that damn small condo. I don't even wanna study. But i have to right? So, yea from this week, no more chit chatting and laughing loudly like one piece of jerk escaped from mental hospital, but just study...

I am complaining alot right. But, i'm kinda damned now. I shouldn't complain a lot coz at the end of the day (read it from above). Ok then, laterz.

Somehow

2009-07-14T18:40:00.000-07:00

Been kinda homesick..No idea why... Now just typing some rubbish while waiting for the next class. See, i'm bored. And btw for the first time i found a computer that is not used by anyone and it's also not for printing purposes.

Btw, i received a comment from someone saying MD in Malaysia is same as MBBS. It's not deeperlike i said before according to him/her. So, yea, whatever it is, MD or MBBS, it's still a medical degree that can be used to get my license to practice medicine.

Another story, i'm going to watch Harry Potter tomorrow... With some bunch of "people". Sacred Secret... Actually not that sacred secret, it's just me, my room mate and some guys and girls.

Nothing else to buzz... Later!!

P.S: I wana go back home!!!!!

One Word : Grandiose

2009-07-10T06:47:00.000-07:00

Yea. For me UCSI is almost perfect. About 90%. It's Friday today and actually i had a second thought of coming back home today. Half of me wanted to stay back at my hostel . Not half, but maybe a quarter. I can say that within 3 days i really did fit well in UCSI.

Let me start with my room mate. His name is Vicky and guess what, i can really go along with him. I usually need like 2 weeks to get along with people, but i really cliqued well with this dude within 3 days. Anyway if you see my previous post i mentioned that my room mate is a MARA scholar, actually that's not correct. Some transferring occurred. My housemates are 5 of them including my room mate. 3 malays and one indian-muslim. All JPA scholars for medicine. Hmm, i kinda not close with the malays yet. I don't even know their name yet. Haha.. It will take time. With the indian muslim whose name is Hussein (I think i spelled it correctly), i somehow communicate with him.I think the reason i cliqued well with Vicky so fast is because he is my class mate too.So, almost 24 hours i'm with him Haha... So,maybe that's the reason.

Lecturer. Pretty fine. Just that some lecturers are expecting more from us. My classmates are all JPA medicine scholars. So, the lecturers are expecting us to be genius i guess. But seriously, we can't be genius on something we never learn before. And, trust me, after 7 months not touching any books, my brain is rusty now.

Facilities. Hmm, Kinda poor. Because the computer lab is full every time i go. There are so many students but only some computers. And sometimes i will find computers with no student using it, but guess what, it's either for printing purposes ONLY or it's spoiled.

Food: There are a lot of shops. So, yea nothing much to say coz there are a lot of choices.

Here are some shots of my new home.

P.S :But i still miss my friends. Leana, kwan, alan, kc, and so many more. Yesterday i called kwan and we chatted for like 6 minutes. Haha.. Later....

UCSI University, Here i come!!

2009-07-05T05:08:00.000-07:00

Man, what a week. Everything changed.Yea, first I'm not going to AIMST, but managed to ask JPA to change my university to UCSI. So first i will be doing my a levels there, then most probably will do my medical degree there too. UCSI does not offer MBBS but they offer Doctor Of Medicine(MD). Difference between MD and MBBS: MD is more deep than MBBS but generally it's the same thing. MD students study all things that a MBBS students study including surgery.

So, how i managed to beg JPA to change, IT'S A LOOONG story.

I went to JPA office in Putrajaya on 25th of June. Went there and asked them to change me from AIMST to Monash. They were reluctant at first but after much begging the lady officer asked me to prepare a letter and submit to them. I was like "WTF? Come on man,letter?" At that time i was so sure i cannot get changed and i sms-ed Sachinath (the guy that supposed to be my u-mate) and told him "dude, i'm coming to AIMST for sure." I completely lose faith on getting Monash that i already listed on hings to buy to go Kedah which is far far far away.

The next monday i went to JPA to give them the letter. She accepted it with a smile and told me "We will call you if it's accepted" Ok, another sign that this is not going to happen. I did lose faith but deep inside i was praying hard that they will change me into Monash, day and night.

Tuesday, at 8am.
My house phone ringed. I woke up. Went to my staircase and tried to hear who's my mum talking with on the phone. But,it was no one i was expecting. The whole Tuesday was terrible. I cannot eat and cannot sleep. The worse part is i even lose my interest in using Internet.As soon as my dad came home, i asked him whether we can go to JPA the next day. He said it was too early to go because we just submitted our appeal on Monday. But after seeing my terrible condition he agreed. The only source of comfort was one of my best friend, Kaesarina. I was totally sending her texts, a lot of texts to ease my mind.

Wednesday, 2pm
Went to JPA office for the third time. I saw her and she said that a decision has yet to be taken. But, in Monash the intake was in two days. After i told her that, that lady went inside the office and then after few minutes she came out and asked me whether i can go UCSI. I was reluctant at first because i really wanted Monash. I was totally begging her (yes, i really didn't try to control macho). But she said, they already send a lot of students to Monash. I begged her "please, only me. Just one more" like a child. Seriously, now i feel so embarrassed. I was pleading to her like a child. But she said "sorry honey, cannot"(No honey btw,:) ). Then my dad said just take it, it's at least situated in KL than AIMST which is in some forest. So i took it.

But the show is not over yet.
Friday i went to UCSI. Took my hostel keys(JPA scholars are forced to stay in hostel) and all but was unable to register at UCSI. Why? Because a staff that is in charge of JPA students went on leave. So, i cannot register myself because they cannot verify whether I'm truly a JPA scholar.(I didnt even receive my new offer letter yet). So then i asked the staff there to call and ask JPA But she doesn't want to. She said we, students must talk with JPA not them,the staff. But the funny thing is they already give me keys to my hostel. Haha.

My hostel
Near UCSI, and all my house mates are either MARA or JPA scholar. According to UCSI's accomodation staff, my room mate is a MARA scholar, but i didn't see any of my house mates because all of them was in orientation. , technically he should be a Malay or sabahan or sarawakian. I don't care though. BTW, there is an Indian in my house too.

Monday
Today went to JPA office again to take my new offer letter. Why? Because one of the JPA officer asked me to come and take the letter by hand. But, after i went there, they told me that they already posted the offer letter to my house.. ARGHHHH!!! So, next stop

UCSI
At last i registered myself at USCI. Yup, and tonight i'm going to UCSI and class starts moro for me. Didn't attend any class today coz i didn't even pack yet.

P.S. SMS me!! I'm so bored!!!

Away..

2009-06-22T07:27:00.000-07:00

Yea, away from computer most probably until next week. Shopping for AIMST!! hehe

Anonymous???

2009-06-13T04:50:00.000-07:00

Come on, write your name when you send me comments. I received about 3 comments on my post "AIMST University, July Intake 2009" and guess what, they are all anonymous. Come on , spend some time to write at least your nickname. By that way, when i come to AIMST, you can say " Hey mesh, it was me (name), u koe, in your blog??". And trust me, i love to become friends with people that comment on my blog. hehe. But, won't it be awkward if you come and say "Hey mesh, it was me on your blog?" And for sure i will ask "Which anonymous were you?" Haha.

So, yea.. Please write your nickname down there.

P.S: Nice song right? BTW, I'm not christian. But it's a nice song.

AIMST University, July Intake 2009

2009-06-08T05:58:00.000-07:00

Yea.. AIMST here i come. I wanted Monash like every other JPA scholars, but Monash's MBBS programme is not yet recognized by MMC, MQA and JPA. It'll only be recognized after their first MBBS batch graduate maybe at 2012. Not sure about the exact year. So, after Monash , seriously AIMST is the best choice. Yea, AIMST here i come..

Didn't receive any letter yet but i called JPA office and found out that my intake is on 15th July. Still got time.. Hehe

BTW as many people are coming to my blog to search for AIMST, i wanna update stuffs on AIMST to help aspiring students

AIMST is one of the cheapest and prestigious medical school in Malaysia. Owned by MIED(Educational Arm of MIC) it receives a lot of criticism when first founded. But slowly it gained prestige and now one of the well known medical school in Malaysia. It's also approved by JPA, MQA and MMC. The facilities are great such as , gymnasium, cafetaria, library, accomodation

FAQ
1. Will I Have to wear formal to class?

yeah, formal attire most of the times. jeans are allowed.
2. Where my classes will be held?

foundation classes - semeling campus. amanjaya is closed.

How Long Is the Nearest Airport?
3. nearest airport - penang (appx 45 mins) with no jam on bridge. From KLIA you can take domestic flight to Penang Airport.

4. What the shopping places and food available?

Tesco, Starbucks, Secret Recipe, Pizza, KFC, Old Town, - 10-15 mins from campus

5 What's the taxi fare?
From campus to airport (RM85-95)
From campus to Lagenda Heights (RM12-16)
From campus to central square (RM15-18)

6. Banks?
Maybank (Lagenda Heights 10-15 mins from campus)
Bank Simpanan Nasional (Amanjaya 10-15 mins from campus)
CIMB (opposite lagenda heights)
EON & HONG LEONG (beside Central Square 15-20mins from campus)

4. Nearest cybercafe
HELIOS (Lagenda Heights)
EC (Taman Ria - 10-15mins from campus)

5. Nearest cinema
GSC (Central Square)
- more happening - GSC (Sunway Carnival - Butterworth)
- Over happening - GSC (Queensbay, Gurney - Penang island)

6. Nightlife
UNDER 21 - Mamak (Nasmir, Makbul) located at Lagenda Heights, 15 mins from campus
ABOVE 21 or don't give a damn
- desperate (1 hour drive to penang island with no jam on bridge)
- penang island (nightlife) - FAME club, MOIS club, MOMO club, QE II, BAGAN, Slippery Senoritas, SOHO Pub, Sunset Bistro, etc
* okay, relaxing, not too loud, not as vivid and vibrant compared to KL

7. If you sick of hostel food
nothing impressive in SP. but you can still find japenese, korean, western food around.
chinese hawker and restaurant is everywhere
too desperate (45mins drive to autocity) - www.autocity.com.my

But what makes me worried is the hostel. They are saying there will be 12 ppl in a house So 4 in a room. That's a lot!! Haha. But i can still choose twin share bedroom. So then it'll only be 6 ppl in an apartment. Hope i can choose. You see since I'm under JPA, i don't know how the thing works. But my mum convinced me that we can pay extra on our own to choose what we want. Hehe.. And i also read a lot of insults about the food there. Haih, no comment. Anywhere we go, we cannot find all perfect food in one place right?

But, what is really important to me is, the quality of education. And after chatting with some seniors, i'm pretty much sure that AIMST is good. Hope can have fun there. Nearest Gsc is 20 minutes away. I think it's better than Bangi. Nearest gsc 45 minutes away(KTM).. Haha...

Check out the AIMST website.. It's a good university so far

The Truth revealed.

2009-06-06T04:31:00.000-07:00

Hehe, It's not God, it a guy that i know from Kajang High School. Why am i being so straight forward? I'm too tired bcz of the MIED Merit Award. So, here's what happened.

We went there. Then i had to register myself. So, then i met Sanjay and some of my friends. Then we went for lunch. At there i met Jegadis. Then, we were eating. The food was not that good. The rice was white-nothing special. And my mum cook better chicken than the one served. So after lunch we went into the Dewan Merdeka, PWTC. Here's the fun

First they showed us the Event protocol for 3 times. Then they showed us AIMST university's advertisement. Then event protocol 3 times again. Then AIMST university's ad. Then event protocol three times again. Then for the third time they showed us, you know what is that. "For god sake" i shouted," Please don't show that AIMST thing again.(I'll explain why.) I shouted but only the person beside me heard of me. Haihh.. Then at last MIC President showed up. I saw his face and the theme song of Apprentice played in my mind. "Money money money moneeeey!! Mooneeey!!!" Then there was a performance by Astana dancers (Not popular to me). They performed a superb bharatam and trust me, bharatam is one of the most elegant and fine dance you will ever find. I was just mesmerized.

Then a very cute and hot looking host talked. I fell in love with her voice. So loud and the way she talked, was so nice and made me melt. I was like telling my friend "Dude, she is so cute." Like miracle, after the function ended, while i was sitting outside, she came. She sat beside the place i was standing. I wanted to talk (NOTHING ROMANTIC), but no mood. But she talked. She showed my phone and smiled. I was like "Man, she wants my number!!!" Haha. Actually she just wanted to use my phone coz her phone got some problem. So, while changing simcard, we talked. I complimented her on her voice and the way she spoke. Then we chatted until my dad came to fetch me up. she didn't even start using the phone. So, we exchanged our details, NO, exchanged our "Sorry" and "Thanks" and "So sorry". Haha.

Back to the function,

THE SHOW TIME

Yea, money time. We were called and then we went. You see, there is a photographic session when you receive the draft from the president. So, while i was waiting my turn the organiser told me "Boy, after you receive, smile at the camera." I said "I will but i didn't pay." and i just walked to the money giver, Hehe, dramatic right.But come on. It's too much.We should pay for the photograph. I mean , its not my graduating day. And it's RM 60!! my god.

So then i got money, Rm 1000. Yea! Then Sanjay joined me at my place. Coz b4 that we were following numbers. Then we chatted non stop.I'm very talkative, seriously. Then our Mr. Anonymous came. He told me "It was me in your blog" i asked "block? Whats that?" Haha. Then he said the magic word "Anonymous". Yea, i got him. It's him. So, i asked this Sachin guy to sit with me and Sanjay and we were chatting about AIMST. He went to jpa office and they said no way to changing universities. Hmm... Nope, I'm not giving up till the very end.

Next Step : Call JPA!!

2009-06-05T05:10:00.000-07:00

Yea, some guy, i think it's God, left a comment for my Curry Bashing post .This is what he said

Anonymous said...

hey dude u can find out your ipts destination by calling jpa at 03-88853377 and give them your ic number..i got thru after like 20 calls

June 4, 2009 9:17 PM

Yes, he is GOD!!

But dude, seriously, why did you told me today? Tomorrow is Saturday and then Sunday. So, i can only call them on Monday which means for 3 days i have to bear with the anxiety that can kill me!! Ok, just be happy. Again there is always fate to blame!. I hope i will get Monash because of some really important and confidential (concerning National Security) reasons. Oh-oh ,did i just revealed that i am a super spy?

OK, craps are over. Tomorrow, I'm going for the MIED High Achievers award. Gonna get some money! Yea, wish number 3 came true. So yea i will crap about that event tomorrow. But sorry, no photographs. Because according o the organizers, own camera may cause interruption to the professional lighting system. Yea, whatever!

That's all until now. Later!!

P.S: Who is that anonymous angel? Reveal yourself.

Curry Bashing in Australia?

2009-06-04T05:37:00.000-07:00

Ok guys, first of all, i beg the Australian media to change the name "Curry Bashing" to something more serious. Curry bash sounds like it's a fun new game.

Unfortunately it's not a fun game. An Indian student named Shravan Kumar has been attacked last week with a screw driver by some ill headed group of racist Australians. That poor student is now in coma at Royal Melbourne Hospital. Why?

That students is an Indian.

Until now, 4 Indian students are attacked by this so called curry bashers. Is this driven by racism that some of uncivilized australians have in back of their head? Or is this pure coincidence?

Or maybe some australians just don't like Asians? I'm not sure about that. But what i am sure of is

Australian government has to take serious measures to deal with these crappers or

they wil risk losing thousands and thousands of students and professional workers from India.

And don't forget the good relation that Australia have with India.

And one more thing, don't forget India is the next super power.

So called...

2009-06-03T06:15:00.000-07:00

For now, there are two questions that will really make me go all "arghhhhhhhhhh"

"Ramesh, did you get your jpa offer letter already?"

Now, to the entire world I DIDN'T GET ANY FU***** LETTER FROM JPA yet!!

2nd question
"So, ramesh... What are you doing now? Just hanging around?"
Let's see. This is what i did today

12pm : Woke up.
I woke up this late because i took my allergic medicine. So, it makes me sleepy. If not i will wake up at 10 am.

1pm: Went downstairs to eat my breakfast. My breakfast was bread with raspberry jam and butter. My favourite.

2pm-4pm: Watched tv.. Astro Box Office. New movies up for June.

4pm : Wanted to take a nap. But, Kc called me and asked for my advice on something. So, that destroyed my sleeping mode.
And i also realized i got a sms from Pn. Harvinder thanking me for my sweet thank you card. Welcome.

5pm-6pm : Listening to music LOOUUDDDLLLYY at my room

6pm-7pm : Bath, pray

Now online. May eat in few minutes. After that
12am - 1pm : Watch The Nanny in Hallmark
1am- 2am : Watch Koffee with Karan

Then sleep!!

Can you see? My life is damn boring CURRENTLY. So, DON'T ASK THAT QUESTION !!

So, this is my so called AWESOME life!!

Blaming my fate..

2009-06-02T05:09:00.000-07:00

Yes, it wasn't the government or anyone that crushed my dreams, it was my fate. Day and night , dreaming about going to Ireland, was a bit realistic when i scored straight A1. But, my fate wants to play a game with me. A rough game indeed. She said to me

"Ramesh my dear, i know how much you want to go Ireland, but i won't give you a chance to get overseas scholarship, even when you deserve it so much. Because, let's play a game babe"

Instead i got JPA scholarship to do medicine in Malaysia. There goes all my dreams down the river with some of my tears. Yea, i have to admit, i was really upset for few weeks. I lost my appetite, i lost my mood. I know i should be grateful because at least i got something, but i can't because i know i deserve more. To be precise, I'm currently in a fate acceptation period. Haha. But, Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland was my dream university. Becoming a MbChb holder with an additional *Bao was my ultimate ambition. But, now i guess, I'm going to be a MBBS holder, still the same, but not what i dreamed of.

So, yea, I'm blaming my fate for crushing my dreams. I'm blaming my fate for letting me to suffer. I'm blaming my fate for making me lose my faith in power of the dreams at such young age.

But, one night i heard a voice. Ok, nothing superstitious. It was my own mind. It told me
" Ramesh, look at the bright side"

So, yea i'm starting to look at thebright side. First, no jet lag. 2nd, no need to wear 4 or 5 layers of cloth on me with an additional wool coat. 3rd, i don't have to start adapting a new food culture. I can still have my roti Canai and Teh Tarik. 4th, i can BATH. Haha.. So you guys got anymore? Let me know. Please don't be sentimental Just give me funny ideas. K? And please don't tell me to be grateful. Can't you see, I AM TRYING!!!

* Bao is bachelor of obstetrics that only given in Ireland universities.

Anyway, to people that managed to grab chance that will make sure they go to KLIA at least once in a year . a BIG CONGRATS!!!

To:

A very good friend of mine Azlan Latif who is going to United Kingdom in 2011 to do engineering and find some chicks for ME..
A girl that always scold me when i was Chief editor Leana Fatimah who is going New Zealand to do dentistry...
A guy that once was a nerd, but now a very good friend of mine and someone who is going to US to do engineering, Sanjay Menon

Yea!! Good luck guys. If your name is not included, that means, im totally jealous of you!! Hehe

What i want

2009-05-31T06:44:00.000-07:00

Yea.. What i want in my life.. Here's the list... Anyone can give it to me?

1. I wana b healthy guys.. I'm having some health problems lately.. So, let me be healthy. The problems are not that serious though, but not that simple too.. It's complicated

2. I want a notebook. Yea, always wanted it and my dad promised to buy me one for my SPM.. But, i'm still waiting. I don't blame him though coz there are alot of expenses nowdays. Haihh.. For people that call me rich all the time just because im staying in a so called luxurious place.. Now you know, I'm rich, but not super rich.

update: Got it!!

3. Talking bout richness, i want money. Haha.. I wana buy my Levi's leather jacket that i always wanted from january. You knw i get around rm 500 after my SPM result, but all the money is now gone. At one point i just had RM 1. Can you believe that? Now, fortunately my dad approved stimulus package for my family, and i got Rm 80 for my expenses in June. Hehe. But, still i don't wana buy the jacket yet. Coz, i have many things to buy.

4. Yea, many things to buy. Like, my Loreal Paris For Men moisturiser,Loreal Paris For Men Facial foam , my gatsby wax and top up every week. Haih, here goes the rm 80. Let just hope it's enough.

That's all for now i guess....

JPA PILN Scholarship 2009

2009-05-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

Yes, i got it..

Huhu, but unfortunately i didn't get overseas, but got scholarship to do medicine in Malaysian private university. My mom told me that maybe i got twinning programme , so that's the reason they put it IPTS. She thinks so because even in my interview, i told the interviewing panel that i want to do twinning programme. But, i'm still sceptical about this. So, just wait for the official letter to come..Anyway, i'm still happy coz at least i got scholarship. Coz, i know someone who got 14A1 but didn't secure this scholarship.. So, I'm terribly lucky and thank god i managed to get this.. I just to wait for the letter then to make sure what i really got whether it's twinning or full in Malaysia...

My Offer Statement (Click it for a bigger view)

Anyway, this is the list of people that i know who get it

Santhiya-Medicine-IPTA
Tamil- Engineering- IPTA
Sanjay- Engineering- Overseas
Shazni- Biotech-IPTS
Hidayah- Something- IPTS
Ihsan tuhsirin- Medicine- IPTS
Amir Fitri- Biotech- IPTS

And others, i didn't ask YET...

wewww

2009-04-19T07:24:00.000-07:00

what a week..Haha...i had driving lessons, and next Tuesday is my test...Hope i will pass..Pray 4 me...Yesterday was my class party... Then suddenly, my camera jammed. Cannot use until now..Then, before that at my house, my internet down.Cannot use...Weeeww..Yesterday was my unluckiest day... Haha..k2....later..

Update: Yea, i passed my driving test!!